bego Funny Status Messages

   I have a smart phone with a dumbass battery.

   DO NOT TEXT ME WHILE YOU’RE DRIVING I’m not trying to be the last unfinished message they find when your as% is wrapped around a tree.

   R.I.P. to all my ex's.. The funeral will be held at "Never Again Christian Church" On the corner of "I'm done Road" & "F*ck you Avenue"

   "instagram are you okay?" "yeah i'm vine" "what was that" "i said i'm fine"

   Kids today will never understand the feeling of slamming a phone shut after an argument. All they can do is just poke at a screen.

   Instead of getting periods, can girls just get a text once a month from mother nature saying 'you're not pregnant have a nice day!'

   Bi&ches Be Like Wake up *pic* Get dressed *pic* School Flow *pic* Bored *pic* With Bae *pic* No Filter *pic* Goodnight *pic* Goodnight *pic*

   I wish weekends went by like microwave minutes

   All single ladies, stop saying you should just give up and get a cat. If no man wants you, don’t force an innocent cat to live with you

   Mirror: “You look cute today”. Camera: “Lol, no”. Instagram filters: “I got chu”

   The only reason my heart appears cold and black is because I have my real heart locked in an indestrucible black heart shaped box and cryogenically frozen to prevent further damage.

   Remember Hey Arnold? Rugrats? CatDog? Rocket Power? Kenan & Kel? The Amanda Show?… When Nickelodeon made sense.

   Marriage is like a public toilet.Those waiting outside are desperate to get in.Those inside are desperate to get out

   When you mess up a guy’s hair, he thinks it’s cute, but when you mess up a girl’s hair, just hope you’re wearing something bulletproof.

   Being single sucks when you know exactly who you want.

   How to murder someone: tell them you love them so much, and then go on to forget about their existence.

   Overprotective parents raise the best liars.

   Girls have periods, cramps, babies, and everything else. The least a guy could do is text her first

   Girls who pretend to act stupid because they think it's cute need to be slapped in the face with a brick.

   Dear Fellow Americans, we need to stop making stupid people famous.