SuthernFukr Funny Status Messages

   I love the word "Allegedly". You can make up anything about anyone without any reprisal... allegedly.

   Must've been hard to hear Viet Cong sneaking up on you, what with Creedence always blasting.

   Nobody ever wants to give BiPolar people credit for being really great half the time.

   Alec Baldwin's narration voice is a symphony of creepy. He makes a floating glacier sound like a pedophile drifting into a playground.

   Only in math problems can you buy 60 cantaloupes and no one asks what is wrong with you.

   Wet wipes are tissues who like to party.

   I was watching the news & saw poor people being busted for illegal mood-altering drugs. Then came all those commercials for the legal ones.

   Telling someone they "look tired" is the best way to insult someone under the guise of "caring."

   Sorry Goldfish Crackers. You will never be taken seriously as a food until you lose the sideways grin.

   2% of patients in mental hospitals are faking it, and are really just there for the cheesecake.

   I am not a magician, but I often suddenly appear in a cloud of smoke.

   Went into a five-star hotel to use the bathroom and now it's a two-star hotel.

   If you allow your pets to roam free in our neighborhood, I'm gonna put party hats on em. This is non-negotiable.

   Domino's is spending a lot of money to tell us that little pieces of bread with cheese on them is the greatest idea they've ever had.

   I wish I had a Strategic Beer Reserve to tap into.

   Countries should have to declare thumb war before declaring actual war.

   I bet pyromaniacs were jonesing pretty bad before that first caveman figured out how to make fire.

   Vacations are a great way to spend thousands of dollars to stare at your phone in exotic locations.

   Encyclopaedia Britanica is going out of print after 244 yrs & I know that for a fact cos I read it on the Internet.

   The key to staying relevant? Don't die.