Danmanz Funny Status Messages

   With all the police and medical shows taking over primetime TV, you figured one could skip all of college to be in the field of criminal justice and medical.

   Something women would NEVER say: "This diamond is too big"

   "I'm Tom Bodett of Motel 6, we'll leave the Lysol on for ya"

   When the world kicks you when you're down, breaks its legs.

   Something a wife would NEVER say to her husband: "Could you please stop washing the dishes and sit down and have a beer with me, I can't hear the game!"

   Motels....Because you and your hooker deserve better than the backseat of some car.

   You know who's going to take the title between the Celtics & Lakers......Football season that's who.

   She had a Coca-Cola body....too bad it was the 2-Liter version.

   With all that weight loss, 50 Cent looks like one of those crazy people from "I Am Legend"

   Please! You're only older than me because your parents decided to have unprotected sex before mine did. At least mine didn't make a mistake that night.

   Saying "Let me call you back" is just a nicer or rather messed up way for a woman to say she doesn't wanna talk to you.

   You ever seen somebody so damn ugly the government should transfer their birthday to Halloween??....Yeah, me too.

   My dog was barking at the back door and my wife was yelling at the front door. I always let the dog in first because at least its shuts up when it gets in the house.

   Quite a number of women put "Ugh" in their statuses to show the stress and pain of their "situation." To me it almost sounds like you're constipated. "Ugh!! I really don't wanna go to work today, ugh!"

   Did you ever stop to think if some of your friends were actually resulting mistakes made by their parents'...."Get-Together?"

   When the World calmly tells you, "Give Up" on your struggles to success, You whisper back and say, "Hell...No"

   I bet Quagmire has tons of child support to pay.

   For the person who picked on you in school, stole your boyfriend/girlfriend from you, spread lies and rumors about you, didn't help you in anyway possible....all of a sudden......wants to be your friend on Facebook.

   If you hated taking quizzes in school, why the hell are you doing them on Facebook......and putting them on my News Feed?

   You know what''s so scary, but just so sexy at the same time? A hot woman kicking your a$$ in video games.....in your room.....on your bed.