Czovczov Funny Status Messages

   No horror movie can surpass the sensation of touching your pockets and not feeling your cell phone.

   “Listen here, we are watching the movie together for the first time, I also don’t know what that guy is going to do with the gun” - Every man watching a movie with a woman.

   I wouldn't take a bullet for someone because taking something that's not yours is called stealing and that just ain't me son.

   Every woman has a psycho gene inside her. It just takes the right mix of alcohol and man to bring it out.

   "I'll have what she's halving." - Divorce Lawyers

   Behind every woman there's a man trying to put it in her butt.

   Spiders - because women need to know they are not independent.

   The curvy girl gets the worm.

   Repeat after me: It doesn't matter how big the problem is, posting it on Facebook won't solve it.

   I wonder if business people know they don't have to talk about business at lunch.

   Let's be honest. If God wanted us to be vegetarians, he would have made cows faster.

   You're never too old to throw random sh*t in people's shopping carts when they aren't looking.

   Spread your lies elsewhere, turkey bacon.

   I'm white but not "always bets against Floyd Mayweather and lose my money" white.

   it normal to vomit every time you imagine having sex with someone? Asking for myself.

   Kim Kardashian's fragrance smells like daddy issues.

   Note to self: Don't flirt with unstable girls. They take you serious.

   Don't give a girl your attention or she'll lose interest. If you don't give her attention someone else will. In conclusion, you're screwed.

   I wished I loved anything as much as white folks love saying "gracias" in Mexican restaurants.

   Some people look forward to the morning to have a new challenge. I look forward to the morning to have my cup of coffee.