Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I get ignored so much my name should be terms and conditions.

   It takes a 75% vote to be inducted to the Hall of Fame but only 9 people to decide for 500 million Americans ... Hmmmm

   Don't know who's happier, the gay community or the ABA

   So, how long before we can marry our cousins, brother, sister, pets or all of the above at the same time? Asking for a friend.

   Why has Skittles taken over everyones Facebook profile pictures???

   n't it ironic that a woman wears makeup, mascara, a push up bra, spanx and high heels but wants a man who's honest!

   i'm a Maths terro$$ist with close ties to Algebra,i have weapons of math instruction.

   Gay marriage is now legal. In related news Caitlyn Jenner has decided to marry herself under the surname Jenn Brucer

   Those annoying "live chat" customer service pop-ups go away if you ask them what they're wearing.

   I never ever delete messages… just in case someone decides to start acting different like you weren’t saying that May 14, 2013 at 1:22 PM.

   I would totally watch a House Hunters companion show that explains how some of these idiots have so much freakin' money.

   Guy:My hair is not usually this messy. Girl: Really? Your hair is saying, "I wish I was emo so I can cut myself"

   What was that idiot thinking when he invented white underwear?

   Gay Marriage legal and not one Bruce Jenner joke. You guys need to step up your game.

   Everyone's all "confederate flag" this, "gay marriage" that. And I'm just sitting here waiting for the new Minions movie to come out.

   Hot girls look even hotter when riding a bike. Fat girls look even fatter while riding a bike. It's science.

   My news feed is starting to look like a battle broke out between the Confederates and a skittles factory.

   When did Facebook become Rod, Jane and Freddy?

   When a mosquito bites you and it dies of alcohol poisoning you're doing something right

   Alcohol? Yes. Feelings? No.