Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon I feel kinda sorry for Lamar Odom. Imagine the horror of waking up from a coma and the first thing you see is a Kardashian.
←Rate | 10-24-2015 04:24 Comments (0)  


   messageicon ..... Canada ..... Leading the world in being just north of the United States
←Rate | 10-24-2015 04:01 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Even if your not successful in life , You are guaranteed to get two certificates
←Rate | 10-24-2015 01:27 by @uxbridgeguy Comments (0)  


   messageicon My therapist is letting me drink alcohol in my therapy session today, and by that I mean I'm drinking and watching Dr Phil.
←Rate | 10-23-2015 23:54 Comments (0)  


   messageicon A lot of people don't realize that Shania Twain's father, Mark, was actually a pretty good writer.
←Rate | 10-23-2015 23:50 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If a puppy stabbed me in the face and stole my car, I'd still be like, "aww."
←Rate | 10-23-2015 17:11 by SteveOH Comments (0)  


   messageicon For Halloween I’m handing out office supplies that I’ve stolen from work..paper clips..pencils..erasers..pens..toilet paper..hand sanitizer..Kleenex..Cigars.
←Rate | 10-23-2015 17:08 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Let's refer these annoying mereeecans as south Canadians. Game set match
←Rate | 10-23-2015 16:36 Comments (1)  


   messageicon I bet it was like a bad nightmare when Lamar Odom woke up, not that he was in a hospital but that hes back in the Kardashian family.....
←Rate | 10-23-2015 12:26 by Big D Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you can't beat them let THEM join you, THEN beat them.
←Rate | 10-23-2015 11:44 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Everyone loved Jack-in-the-box as kids...but now that I'm older I prefer mine in-a-bottle!
←Rate | 10-22-2015 23:49 Comments (0)  


   messageicon if you can`t beat them...get some duct tape,rope,and a tazor >:3
←Rate | 10-22-2015 23:47 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Why do people always make jokes insinuating that people who use crayons are crazy? I like my crayons! Especially the blue one. It makes my poo purple
←Rate | 10-22-2015 23:46 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The hardest job in the world must be working in a bubble wrap factory. Can you imagine the self control that is required to work there, "must not pop bubbles"
←Rate | 10-22-2015 23:45 Comments (0)  


   messageicon After years of observation,multiple hypothesis,well-structured analysis and deeply reviewed interpretations.I finally came to ONE CONCLUSION: I'M NOT NORMAL
←Rate | 10-22-2015 23:44 Comments (0)  


   messageicon let my personalities out for a night...I woke up with two hookers, a penguin, a pineapple, five teeth missing, and a tattoo that read "I'M FREE".
←Rate | 10-22-2015 23:44 Comments (0)  


   messageicon look at this, it's a stick man rubbing his butt on the ground! ________&_________
←Rate | 10-22-2015 23:43 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Paul Ryan joins older siblings, Rex and Rob, in attempt to lead dozens of grown men determined to undermine him.
←Rate | 10-22-2015 22:14 by DS Comments (0)  


   messageicon eHarmony has a 24 month plan. How fcuking ugly do you have to be to need 2 years to find someone??
←Rate | 10-22-2015 21:57 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Congrats to Lamar Odom. The first guy to have cocaine and bookers actually save his marriage.
←Rate | 10-22-2015 19:50 by Jeff W Comments (1)  




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