Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 1486 of 6446

I feel kinda sorry for Lamar Odom. Imagine the horror of waking up from a coma and the first thing you see is a Kardashian.
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10-24-2015 04:24
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..... Canada ..... Leading the world in being just north of the United States
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10-24-2015 04:01
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Even if your not successful in life , You are guaranteed to get two certificates

My therapist is letting me drink alcohol in my therapy session today, and by that I mean I'm drinking and watching Dr Phil.
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10-23-2015 23:54
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A lot of people don't realize that Shania Twain's father, Mark, was actually a pretty good writer.
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10-23-2015 23:50
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If a puppy stabbed me in the face and stole my car, I'd still be like, "aww."
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10-23-2015 17:11 by SteveOH
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For Halloween I’m handing out office supplies that I’ve stolen from work..paper clips..pencils..erasers..pens..toilet paper..hand sanitizer..Kleenex..Cigars.
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10-23-2015 17:08
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Let's refer these annoying mereeecans as south Canadians. Game set match
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10-23-2015 16:36
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I bet it was like a bad nightmare when Lamar Odom woke up, not that he was in a hospital but that hes back in the Kardashian family.....
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10-23-2015 12:26 by Big D
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If you can't beat them let THEM join you, THEN beat them.
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10-23-2015 11:44
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Everyone loved Jack-in-the-box as kids...but now that I'm older I prefer mine in-a-bottle!
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10-22-2015 23:49
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if you can`t beat them...get some duct tape,rope,and a tazor >:3
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10-22-2015 23:47
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Why do people always make jokes insinuating that people who use crayons are crazy? I like my crayons! Especially the blue one. It makes my poo purple
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10-22-2015 23:46
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The hardest job in the world must be working in a bubble wrap factory. Can you imagine the self control that is required to work there, "must not pop bubbles"
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10-22-2015 23:45
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After years of observation,multiple hypothesis,well-structured analysis and deeply reviewed interpretations.I finally came to ONE CONCLUSION: I'M NOT NORMAL
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10-22-2015 23:44
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let my personalities out for a night...I woke up with two hookers, a penguin, a pineapple, five teeth missing, and a tattoo that read "I'M FREE".
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10-22-2015 23:44
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look at this, it's a stick man rubbing his butt on the ground! ________&_________
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10-22-2015 23:43
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Paul Ryan joins older siblings, Rex and Rob, in attempt to lead dozens of grown men determined to undermine him.
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10-22-2015 22:14 by DS
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eHarmony has a 24 month plan. How fcuking ugly do you have to be to need 2 years to find someone??
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10-22-2015 21:57
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Congrats to Lamar Odom. The first guy to have cocaine and bookers actually save his marriage.
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10-22-2015 19:50 by Jeff W
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