Snotty Funny Status Messages

   My blended dairy drink attracts young men to my yard & they proclaim its superiority to yours...I can give tutorage,, but require compensation.

   HEY!!,,,,,They're not letting me post during the intervention for my Facebook addiction.

   My 3yo asked where the bathroom was at the park because he had to pee. I said Son,,, you're a boy....The world is your toilet..

   If I could pick one famous person, living or dead, to spend a day with, I'd pick Kim Kardashian,,and choose dead.

   HEY,,,People of Canada: Why do you leave all of your coins here?

   “Use divorce, Luke...” – Obi Wan, marriage counselor

   And speaking of my EX,, " Divorce is Strong with this one." >> Darth Vader, Marriage counselor..

   If you had a terrible childhood,,, you're gonna be REALLY-bummed out by Bank of America's options for security questions.

   Doing my taxes this morning was so frustrating that most of my refund will be heading right back into the swear jar.

   Considering the odds are about the same, I think it would be nice if we let the people literally "struck by lightning",, be the lottery winners...

   BTW,, I won't walk a mile even in my own friggin shoes,,,, So,,

   HEY,,,I've already lined up an auctioneer to read my eulogy...... No one likes drawn out funerals.... You're welcome.

   I'm also not a JETS fan,,, but on E-Bay, If I ever see a old, used,, Dirty Sanchez jersey,, I'm TOTALLY buying that too....

   I just bought some jokes from IKEA,,,, I'm still not sure how to put them together with this Hex Thingy......

   I'm not a soccer fan,, but if the St. Louis Steamers soccer team ever move to Cleveland,, I'm TOTALLY buying a jersey..

   All of MY posts come straight off of Taco Bell sauce packets.

   I know it's hard to tell,, but Chewbacca actually trims his pubes.

   Umm,, Why does everyone in Cracker Barrel look like the cast of Mama's Family?

   If a tree falls in the forest and no one is around to hear it, YOU'LL FIND SOME WAY TO BLAME ME FOR THAT TOO, WON'T YOU, SUSAN?

   I think I want to start today with a nutritious bowl of oatmeal,,, Cause it'll prepare me for all of the other disappointments the day will provide.