Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 1478 of 6384
I told my wife that a cheating website had been hacked and marriages would be in ruins because of it. I just caught her deleting browser history from LittleDebbie.com.
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07-20-2015 18:12
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Basiji, in Iran, calls "Death To America" not the whole nation – Basijis are some minority brain-washed people like you who wrote this statement. The Radical party intimidates - forces - people and brings them to street.
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07-20-2015 17:14
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When considering joining a site offering secret infidelity but requires you register with a name/photo, a good alternative is to not do that
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07-20-2015 15:36 by Nipper
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I just found out that my dog doesn't like Bacon.. BACON !!... I don't think we can be best friends anymore.
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07-20-2015 14:48
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In 2001, we invade Iraq and Afghanistan on the intel that they "might" have weapons of mass destruction. In 2015, we give weapons of mass destruction to Iran while they chant "Death To America"
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07-20-2015 14:26 by TJL
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Ashley Madison's servers were hacked, just in case your husband seems really nervous today for no reason...
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07-20-2015 10:59 by eengrms
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I started to use alcohol as a crutch,,, and the I realized it was a liquid.
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07-20-2015 06:36 by snotty
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My automatic ice maker has 2 settings... 1) Off....... 2) It's 3 AM & There's a Killer in the Kitchen
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07-19-2015 22:08 by snotty
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60 And Pregnant #UnpopularTelevisionShows.
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07-19-2015 21:17
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People who cancel their Facebook account are the real heroes.
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07-19-2015 21:15
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Shout out to the knife for always having my back.
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07-19-2015 21:14
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I hide from people too, so I get it unicorns, I get it.
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07-19-2015 21:13
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"I enjoy long walks on the ocean"......................
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07-19-2015 20:30
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7: Dad, why did you name me after a number?..... "It was an odd time in our lives, son"
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07-19-2015 20:29 by snotty
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*walks into CVS*...."Hi, sorry I have another return. This brand of dental floss tastes like blood too."
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07-19-2015 20:27 by snotty
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Love is blind. It's also drunk, has a wooden leg, Tourette's, a crippling fear of heights & if you poke it with a stick it plays dead.
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07-19-2015 19:33 by snotty
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a restraining order just her way of telling me she's into bondage?
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07-19-2015 10:20 by Baddie
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I don't chase after girls, unless I have my inhaler with me.
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07-19-2015 10:19 by Baddie
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"Oh, you smoke cigarettes? Don't bother, I'll take myself to the friendzone."
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07-19-2015 10:07 by Rollen
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To understand paranoid people better, follow them around. Observe them. Write down notes.
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07-19-2015 09:00
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