Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 1475 of 6384
said it before and I say it again: Ive said it before and say it again ...
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07-24-2015 06:55
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Russians; the other white p eople.
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07-24-2015 01:34
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Since we're not allowed to talk about gun control right after mass shootings, having them happen back-to-back is a real time-saver...
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07-24-2015 00:14
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I want to open a donut shop called Hole Foods.
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07-23-2015 20:13 by snotty
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The first sin in the Bible was eating an apple. The second was murder...See how things can escalate quickly Susan??
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07-23-2015 20:03 by snotty
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Grammar makes a difference... I punched my grandma in the face. Or.... I punched, my grandma, in t,he face...I don't know what I'm doing
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07-23-2015 19:56 by snotty
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It's like my grandma always used to say, everyone needs to get that 1st starter marriage out-of-the-way!
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07-23-2015 19:34
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I never get caught because I've watched all 27 seasons of Cops..
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07-23-2015 19:24
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Hot singles in your area want to work out and eat healthy while you watch Netflix in your underwear .
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07-23-2015 19:07
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The only advantage of an old enemy is that they can distract you from the devilment of new ones.
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07-23-2015 17:12
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Just Donated blood..I hope whoever gets it likes wine. 🍷
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07-23-2015 16:06
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Well,,, According to WebMD, this burning is NOT an Eternal Flame.
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07-23-2015 15:03 by snotty
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You know its good sex when she stars screaming some other guys name.
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07-23-2015 11:39 by Jeff
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Wonder which one of the Looney Toons is going to bang LeBrons mom on Space Jam 2?
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07-23-2015 11:07
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Umm. . . Unless your muzlim, women in the USA had the right to vote in the 1920's
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07-23-2015 10:22
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I thought AshleyMadison was the bakery that made Zingers... Didn't they used to sponsor Charlie Brown specials?
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07-22-2015 21:18 by snotty
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Just showed up at Walmart in an outfit I bought at Target,,, People think I'm some kind of movie star.
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07-22-2015 21:11 by snotty
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So people buy cookie dough and bake it?.... What the hell?
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07-22-2015 19:50 by snotty
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saw myself naked in the mirror and now my hand isn't in the mood
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07-22-2015 15:03 by Nipper
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In the 50's things where better then they are today!...and oh yeah! you're an idiot
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07-22-2015 14:47
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