Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 1471 of 6453

Crazy is like diarrhea. You can only hold it in for so long.
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11-23-2015 13:16
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Even if evolution is wrong, and it’s not, magic doesn't win by default. 434 Retweets 190 j'aime
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11-23-2015 13:05
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These pretzels are making me thirsty. Beer!
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11-23-2015 11:57
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If 'faith' was based on evidence then it would be called 'knowledge'. It isn't because it isn't.
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11-23-2015 10:42
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I once wanted to become an atheist, but I gave up - they have no holidays
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11-23-2015 10:39
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I bought a $300 dollar tent so I can camp outside Best Buy for 3 days to save $20 on a TV.
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11-23-2015 08:57
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Was JFK killed by a lone gunman or was there a conspiracy? Compelling new evidence proves beyond doubt that it makes no difference at all. He's still dead.
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11-23-2015 07:11
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Why are we supposed to give special treatment to Black Friday, i'm just gonna come out and say it #ALLFRIDAYSMATTER

Never look directly at the people having a sizzling plate of fajitas delivered to their table... It’s what they want.
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11-22-2015 17:29 by snotty
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Seriously,,, if I were a manager at Burger King, my answer to every complaint would be, “Dude, you’re at Burger King.”
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11-22-2015 17:28 by snotty
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FYI: Every Scooby Doo episode would literally be 2 minutes long, if the gang went to the mask store 1st & asked a few questions.
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11-22-2015 17:26 by snotty
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LIFE HACK: Just eat your burrito over a tortilla,,, anything that falls out, will simply start building your next burrito
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11-22-2015 17:25 by snotty
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I wonder if Caitlyn Jenner dared to go as Bruce Jenner for Halloween.
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11-22-2015 17:17 by snotty
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'm trying to learn to be a Magician.. But I have a question. Is it pulling a rabbit out of a hat or a hat out of the rabbit ?
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11-22-2015 16:50
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When a woman says, do what you want,under any circumstance do not do what you want
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11-22-2015 15:53
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Seen a pregnant woman with 4 kids just letting them run wild in Walmart. She said "Can you believe my baby is 5 days past due?"...I said "Yeah, he was probably warned by your other kids."......And that's when the fight started....
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11-22-2015 15:17
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I don't need a safe word, but you will.
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11-22-2015 13:39
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The biggest problem I see with Adele's relationship in her new song is that she needs to stop calling and start texting instead.
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11-22-2015 13:18
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California has the highest rate of Depression and Adultery. It's a sad state of affairs.
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11-22-2015 09:22
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Did you know the Boeing 767 is made up of 3.1 million parts from 800 manufacturers who were the lowest bidder. Anyways...have safe flights over the Thanksgiving holiday