Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 1466 of 6384
I never knew my mechanic was pshchic until he told me I blew a tranny in my car.
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08-07-2015 14:01
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Donald Trump is what happens when John Boehner bangs a llama.
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08-07-2015 13:59
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If we elect Donald Trump for president, there will be hell toupee...
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08-07-2015 10:35
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Your silent treatment should be accompanied by a disappearing act.
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08-07-2015 02:02
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I'm getting really tired of having to remind my wife she's happily married.
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08-07-2015 01:44 by Czovczov
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One assault charge and all of a sudden you're not wife material anymore.
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08-07-2015 01:28
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Don't be sad.. Someone, somewhere.. Is finding out right now they have herpes.
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08-07-2015 01:27
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Learned something new today. If you tell a girl she's a 6, she'll make up the other 4 in bed
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08-06-2015 23:41
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I'd vote for Donald Trump just to watch him tell Obama he's fired... #justsaying
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08-06-2015 22:43
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Kinda sucks Cinderella had to end up with someone who couldn't remember what her face looked like.
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08-06-2015 18:45
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I took a train home. Now I don't know how to get it back on the rails...
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08-06-2015 17:31 by JimmyCos
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Instead of buying all my kids' school supplies, I just bought a Staples store. Saved like four grand.
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08-06-2015 16:59
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Me and my girlfriend, ,, sitting in a tree A-R-G-U-I-N-G
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08-06-2015 16:18 by snotty
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Co-workers not loving my Lenny Kravitz impersonation.
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08-06-2015 13:43 by Baddie
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Ronda Rousy has challenged Bill Cosby to see who can knock out a woman faster.
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08-06-2015 13:40
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I like my women like I like my golf scores. In the 80s with a slight handicap.
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08-06-2015 13:34
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Pro tip for picking up girls - keep your back straight and lift with your knees.
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08-06-2015 13:21
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A lot of capes at the hair salon. Hard to tell who's a superhero and who's not
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08-06-2015 13:17
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There is never just one reality, we each have our own version.
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08-06-2015 12:59
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I posed nude for an artist. He wore sunglasses and left the lights off.
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08-06-2015 10:49
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