Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 1463 of 6384
When I go running, I usually meet new people..... like paramedics.
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08-11-2015 22:37 by gremlinsd
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Weekly I confine my exercises to jumping to conclusions, stretching the truth and pushing my luck. I have already lost at least 3 friends....
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08-11-2015 19:51 by Oregon
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A faulty judgement or bad IQ?!
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08-11-2015 17:26
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Love: When you still like someone after marriage.
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08-11-2015 14:28 by snotty
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Marriage vows should include no bringing up crap that happened 8 years ago.
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08-11-2015 14:27 by snotty
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I Changed Siri to a male voice,, and now I can't get directions and most of the answers are wrong.
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08-11-2015 14:24 by snotty
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Geno Smith sucker punched. Out 6-10 weeks. Apparently HE threw the first punch. It was intercepted!!!
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08-11-2015 14:08
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It's all fun and games until your picture is up at all the McDonalds drive thrus in your county. 31
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08-11-2015 13:32
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If I like your posted music vids ..99.9 % I never watched it..Sorry I can not lie...
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08-11-2015 13:27
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The five second rule is exponentially longer when no one else is around...
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08-11-2015 13:20 by eengrms
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I just got a new Epi-pen. My friend gave it to me as he was dying. It seemed really important to him that I have it, for some reason.
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08-11-2015 12:01
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When parents on Facebook post about how they can't believe their kid is going into whatever grade, write "No way! I thought for sure he'd be held back!"
Jennifer Aniston has kept me in the Friends zone for years.
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08-11-2015 00:04
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- me, explaining to my (ex)boss why I went in with no pants
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08-10-2015 19:34
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The only reason the national nightly news is still on is to show all the new drug commercials.
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08-10-2015 19:09
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so they're growing their own vegetables on an International Space Station that cost billions of dollars and it's still cheaper than Whole Foods.
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08-10-2015 17:50 by snotty
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Just completed my sexual harassment training and I think I'm finally ready to start harassing people.
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08-10-2015 14:17
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When the morning hits your eye like a big smelly cow pie.... That's A-Mon-dayyyyyy......
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08-10-2015 09:29 by M
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Thank God for yoga pants because I used up all of my imgination back in the 90's descrambling cable tv porn.
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08-10-2015 08:51
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If you get Mickey Mouse ears at Disney World, what do you get at Dollywood?
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08-10-2015 07:30
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