Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   It's a shame if girls think Victoria's Secret models are every guys' dream. We're not in the fifth grade anymore. Go ahead and eat that last chicken wing, babygirl. You're gorgeous.

   If God wanted me to be a Vegan, he wouldn't have made chickens so damn delicious!

   Apparently, the biatch at my wife's job was being such a biatch today because something, something,,,, we hate her.

   You know you a hood rat when you can't participate in Black Friday because yo government check ain't in until Monday. .

   It's kinda hard to believe in just 2 days,, I'll be stabbing housewives for a discounted Dyson vacuum.

   Beauty comes in all shapes and sizes.... There's Circular pizzas, square pizzas, thin/thick crust, stuffed crust, extra toppings...... All beautiful really

   Sweat pants are only ok for 2 reasons. Thanksgiving and strip clubs

   My girl friend says she may move out because of my obsession with TV dramas. But will she really leave me......Find out next week!

   ...... Black Friday: Because only in America, people trample others for sales exactly one day after being thankful for what they already have.

   So what all y'all vegans eating for Thanksgiving?

   Poverty is not being able to participate in Black Friday because you don't get paid until Monday.

   Always be yourself. Unless you can be Bat Cat... Always be Bat Cat.

   Enough with all the religious posts. You're just fighting over who has the better imaginary friend.

   For Thanksgiving, I'm going to a sheep and goat buffet. It's All You Can Bleat.

   Some people should keep their Quran and their bibles like they keep their genitals: to themselves.

   Gray Matter Matters

   DONALD TRUMP proving that you don't need to be poor to be white trash.

   Will World War III begin before or after Christmas? Because I don't want to buy presents for nothing.

   *wakes up to wife and son screaming* me: What are you guys yelling about? them: YOU'RE DRIVING

   On another note, some of the single Syrian women aren't bad looking ;)