Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I don't think we should put elementary school teachers in a position where kids can say " the president calls people ugly and losers so why can't I"?

   ♫♪ " ...It's beginning to look a lot like ̶̶C̶̶H̶̶R̶̶I̶̶S̶̶T̶̶M̶̶A̶̶S̶̶ El Niño, everywhere I go..." ♫♪

   Today is the official day for guys to start their Xmas shopping

   FYI: A group of meth labs is called a "Missouri."

   In the future we will type with our toes to keep our hands free for punching robots.

   All you have to do is copy and paste this status and FB will award 200 on people. FB is such a great mode of transporting lies to the naive.

   Jesus was born in october. Just saying...

   i'm offened that people get offened

   I'm an adult and I still believe in Santa clause, I figure why not? There's still adults who believe in Obama.

   Cousins are Cool to see, Impossible to Forget and True to your heart.

   Tim Burton films used to be deep, now they're just depp.

   Just when I thought I'd never get the chance to hear a Presidential candidate say "schlong"..

   I would win Dean's Award if Steve Harvey hosted my graduation.

   Relationship status: I don't need love. I need money right now.

   You are having sex before marriage but when it comes to enjoying this bacon all of sudden ‘religion’ doesn't allow

   my girlfriend told me she’s leaving me because of my Justin Beiber obsession, I responded “sorry, what do you mean?”

   I tweeted to Steve Harvey tonight that he was still my favorite all-time host of Family Feud; but two and a half minutes later I tweeted again to tell him it is actually Richard Dawson

   white privilege is Adam Sandler still being allowed to make movies.

   I've never seen grown men more upset over a Disney Movie in my life.

   So apparently there are two types of white towels in my house. Ones to dry off,, and ones to touch if you want your fingers broke.