Marshall the great Funny Status Messages

   If it's your birthday this month, then you know your parents really enjoyed Valentine's Day.

   The snooze button is life's way of saying that waking up sucks.

   From now on if you type, "LOL" you should have to submit a video proving it.

   I hope someone gets a pic of Lil Wayne on his way out high-fiving T.I. on his way in.

   Please don't say you just had a newborn baby. If you say you just had a baby, the newborn part is assumed. No one thinks you just pushed a 12 year old out of your snatch.

   If you want proof that one person can make a difference, punch a stranger in the face.

   If I ever get summoned for jury duty, I plan on appearing in the courtroom in a puff of smoke and yelling, "WHO SUMMONED ME?"

   Life is like a box of chocolates...I don't think so! Mine is more like a box of hand grenades...pull the wrong pin and everything goes flying!

   Whenever I get a message that begins with "Hey Stranger" I know I'm about to be asked for a favor by someone I don't want to help.

   I'm afraid people can see me through my web cam even though its off.

   I don't know if my liver or heart hurts more during a break up...

   I wish relationships were more like cell phone plans - "Free nights and weekends."

   Maybe things would improve if we shipped Congress's jobs overseas too.

   Okay, so you Republicans taking office, we all expect a complete economic turnaround in less than two years. Got it?

   Just once I would like the pilot to say "Hey gang, who here wants to just keep flying and see where we end up?"

   It isn't until all's been said and done that you actually realize all you should have said and done.

   I love asking little kids what they want to be when they grow up... cause, you know... I'm still looking for ideas.

   I hate when reality stomps its filthy feet all over my happy place.

   Not to name names, but I know some of you update your status from your phone so as not to appear a complete shut-in who hasn't left the house. -Sent from my iPhone

   planning to do something today, but I haven't finished doing nothing from yesterday.