Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 1455 of 6384
So now that oil is so cheap,,,, maybe we should start drilling for black printer ink.
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08-25-2015 21:05 by snotty
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But seriously guys, ,,,, almost every time I've had cake I've eaten it, too.....................so
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08-25-2015 21:04 by snotty
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The saying goes, there's someone out there for everyone. Maybe your someone is way out there, on another planet. . .
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08-25-2015 17:55 by JAB
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I just deleted all the German contacts from my phone. It's now Hans free
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08-25-2015 16:50
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I'm sorry I'm so emotional bro. It came with these skinny jeans and selfie stick.
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08-25-2015 13:58 by Czovczov
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I throw small pieces of bread at your duck face selfies
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08-25-2015 13:08
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman. It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't"
"If I could take just one thing to a desert island I probably wouldn't go"
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08-25-2015 07:13 by Pete
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Earlier this year I saw "The Theory of Everything" - loved it. Should've been called "Look Who's Hawking", that's my only criticism"
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08-25-2015 07:13 by pj
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"I just deleted all the German names off my phone. It's Hans free" -
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08-25-2015 07:11 by Muntman
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"What's the difference between a 'hippo' and a 'Zippo'? One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter"
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08-25-2015 07:10 by Pete
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"Kim Kardashian is saddled with a huge arse ... but enough about Kanye West"
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08-25-2015 07:10 by Kingtog
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By the power vested in me... I now pronounce me going to sleep
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08-25-2015 05:42 by snotty
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You don't come for me. I send for you.
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08-25-2015 00:24
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I'm not saying you should hire me to be the president of your marketing team, I'm just saying there should be a bar at Toys R Us..
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08-24-2015 20:01
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actually "Deez Nutz" isn't that far away from holding up "the rear" of the pack
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08-24-2015 18:02 by snotty
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You only live once is the most reassuring thing I've ever heard.
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08-24-2015 15:56
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I wonder if anyone's kids had their first day of school today?
If a man repeats everything a woman says, word for word,,,,,,,, is he still wrong?
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08-24-2015 10:50 by snotty
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Go ahead, tell a woman she can do whatever she wants, like she wasn't already.
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08-24-2015 09:42 by snotty
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