Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 1450 of 6446

I would not even buy my worst enemy a selfie stick for christmas present. I am not that cold.
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12-10-2015 10:40
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I just saw a lady texting while driving. Do women have any idea how dangerous that is for the rest of us? Not the texting part, just them driving in general.
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12-10-2015 10:01 by Wasabi
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Guns don't kill people. Husbands that come home early do
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12-10-2015 08:11 by cpaman
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Every Christmas I give my co-workers a card with a picture of my middle finger inside.
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12-10-2015 00:28
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Wonder how much longer humans will continue playing make believe?
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12-09-2015 23:38
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The dumbing down of the human species. We are going backwards in intellect with every new social media app.
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12-09-2015 23:26
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FYI: When you graduate from vegetarian to vegan you are legally required to put a racing stripe on your Prius
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12-09-2015 23:09 by snotty
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God didn’t make all men equal, Samuel Colt did.
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12-09-2015 23:06
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Squirrel 1: Got directions to across the road?.. Squirrel 2: go left, straight, left, right, right again,back, then just friggin run.... Squirrel 1: nice
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12-09-2015 22:50 by snotty
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Cop: buzz driving IS drunk driving... Swarm of bees in driver seat: this is bullcrap.
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12-09-2015 22:46 by snotty
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My day starts just like any normal guy. I wake up, drink raw eggs, run around Philadelphia, and punch raw slabs of meat.
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12-09-2015 14:05
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My son just saw Willie Nelson on TV and called him Santa... Hmmm I guess we need to watch more Christmas movies.
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12-09-2015 13:57
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Hip-hop sounds like my grandpa named it.
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12-09-2015 13:35
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'Saint West' sounds like the name of the Patron Saint of big butts & narcissistic rappers.
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12-09-2015 13:22
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Facebook: A place where people, who know so little about anything, have so much to say about everything.

why would anybody put 99 bottles of beer up on a wall in the 1st place?
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12-09-2015 07:48
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I'm surprised that cartons of Soy Milk don't have pictures of missing vegan children on the back.
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12-09-2015 07:42
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Men look at b00bs for the same reason women look at puppies in cages. We just want to set them free and play with them.
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12-09-2015 07:22
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Depression is like being told happiness is right around the corner but you live in a circle
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12-09-2015 07:00
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Well about time I get in line for that Star Wars movie
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12-09-2015 03:08 by smeebert
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