Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon I would not even buy my worst enemy a selfie stick for christmas present. I am not that cold.
←Rate | 12-10-2015 10:40 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I just saw a lady texting while driving. Do women have any idea how dangerous that is for the rest of us? Not the texting part, just them driving in general.
←Rate | 12-10-2015 10:01 by Wasabi Comments (0)  


   messageicon Guns don't kill people. Husbands that come home early do
←Rate | 12-10-2015 08:11 by cpaman Comments (0)  


   messageicon Every Christmas I give my co-workers a card with a picture of my middle finger inside.
←Rate | 12-10-2015 00:28 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Wonder how much longer humans will continue playing make believe?
←Rate | 12-09-2015 23:38 Comments (1)  


   messageicon The dumbing down of the human species. We are going backwards in intellect with every new social media app.
←Rate | 12-09-2015 23:26 Comments (0)  


   messageicon FYI: When you graduate from vegetarian to vegan you are legally required to put a racing stripe on your Prius
←Rate | 12-09-2015 23:09 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon God didn’t make all men equal, Samuel Colt did.
←Rate | 12-09-2015 23:06 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Squirrel 1: Got directions to across the road?.. Squirrel 2: go left, straight, left, right, right again,back, then just friggin run.... Squirrel 1: nice
←Rate | 12-09-2015 22:50 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon Cop: buzz driving IS drunk driving... Swarm of bees in driver seat: this is bullcrap.
←Rate | 12-09-2015 22:46 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon My day starts just like any normal guy. I wake up, drink raw eggs, run around Philadelphia, and punch raw slabs of meat.
←Rate | 12-09-2015 14:05 Comments (0)  


   messageicon My son just saw Willie Nelson on TV and called him Santa... Hmmm I guess we need to watch more Christmas movies.
←Rate | 12-09-2015 13:57 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Hip-hop sounds like my grandpa named it.
←Rate | 12-09-2015 13:35 Comments (0)  


   messageicon 'Saint West' sounds like the name of the Patron Saint of big butts & narcissistic rappers.
←Rate | 12-09-2015 13:22 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Facebook: A place where people, who know so little about anything, have so much to say about everything.
←Rate | 12-09-2015 11:45 by Brodieking Comments (0)  


   messageicon why would anybody put 99 bottles of beer up on a wall in the 1st place?
←Rate | 12-09-2015 07:48 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm surprised that cartons of Soy Milk don't have pictures of missing vegan children on the back.
←Rate | 12-09-2015 07:42 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Men look at b00bs for the same reason women look at puppies in cages. We just want to set them free and play with them.
←Rate | 12-09-2015 07:22 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Depression is like being told happiness is right around the corner but you live in a circle
←Rate | 12-09-2015 07:00 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Well about time I get in line for that Star Wars movie
←Rate | 12-09-2015 03:08 by smeebert Comments (0)  




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