Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 1440 of 6446

some dogs can find bodies that have been buried for years & mine can't even find a cracker that hit him in the face on the way to the floor
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12-27-2015 06:37
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If you say "Kanye" in the mirror three times, he appears, pushes you over and starts screaming his own name in the mirror.
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12-27-2015 06:32
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I wonder if Donald Trump's cell phone has comb-over minutes
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12-27-2015 06:31
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I couldn't help but notice everything wrong with you.
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12-27-2015 06:30
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I bet if cats could talk, they wouldn't.
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12-27-2015 06:29
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Has gone from eating pigs in blankets, to becoming a pig in a blanket ! 🐷🐽🐷🐽🐷🐽
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12-27-2015 04:16
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My mother in-law is letting me renovate her kitchen. My wife told me to get the cupboards from that Scandinavian company with the short name. Turns out it was IKEA not LEGO,
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12-26-2015 18:22
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I think these wireless headphones my wife gave me might be earmuffs.
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12-26-2015 14:56
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A cop pulled me over for weaving in traffic. He walked up to my window and asks, "You drinkin?" I said, "You buyin?" We laughed and laughed. Can somebody bail me out?
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12-26-2015 11:10
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The first fagget that mentions a Kardashian in 2016 is getting punched in the mouth.
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12-26-2015 11:09
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I was going to wear my birthday suit today but it has been stretched out of shape and is covered in hair.
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12-26-2015 10:38
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I just tried on my birthday suit. It is stretched out of shape an covered in hair.
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12-26-2015 10:20
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"Open Mike Night" sounded like a lot of fun until I realized I'd been invited to an autopsy.
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12-26-2015 10:13 by Aaron
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"Update the force, Luke" Adobe Wan Kenobi
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12-26-2015 10:12 by Aaron
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Christmas. It's been a long 2 1/2 months.
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12-26-2015 10:11 by Aaron
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I hate being sick at Christmas. My wife says I'm not sick, but I was just jacking it while looking at a picture of a fat nun pissing on a hot schools girl. How is that not sick.
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12-26-2015 10:06
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Woooooo whoooo!! Just got an email from mark zuckerberg's secratarty stating that I just won 4.5mill all they need is 3k from me to release the funds, just sent them my banking info , Aruba here I come!!! suckkkerrsss!!
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12-26-2015 08:35
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It's hard to believe in evolution, when every time I go to Subway the person in front of me has NO IDEA HOW SUBWAY WORKS.
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12-26-2015 08:10 by snotty
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I dream of a Kardashian-free 2016.
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12-26-2015 04:37
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DONALD TRUMP CIRCUS - When you're waiting for a joke to be over but its taking forever, thanks to some idiots perpetuating it.
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12-26-2015 02:12
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