Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon some dogs can find bodies that have been buried for years & mine can't even find a cracker that hit him in the face on the way to the floor
←Rate | 12-27-2015 06:37 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you say "Kanye" in the mirror three times, he appears, pushes you over and starts screaming his own name in the mirror.
←Rate | 12-27-2015 06:32 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I wonder if Donald Trump's cell phone has comb-over minutes
←Rate | 12-27-2015 06:31 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I couldn't help but notice everything wrong with you.
←Rate | 12-27-2015 06:30 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I bet if cats could talk, they wouldn't.
←Rate | 12-27-2015 06:29 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Has gone from eating pigs in blankets, to becoming a pig in a blanket ! 🐷🐽🐷🐽🐷🐽
←Rate | 12-27-2015 04:16 Comments (0)  


   messageicon My mother in-law is letting me renovate her kitchen. My wife told me to get the cupboards from that Scandinavian company with the short name. Turns out it was IKEA not LEGO,
←Rate | 12-26-2015 18:22 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I think these wireless headphones my wife gave me might be earmuffs.
←Rate | 12-26-2015 14:56 Comments (0)  


   messageicon A cop pulled me over for weaving in traffic. He walked up to my window and asks, "You drinkin?" I said, "You buyin?" We laughed and laughed. Can somebody bail me out?
←Rate | 12-26-2015 11:10 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The first fagget that mentions a Kardashian in 2016 is getting punched in the mouth.
←Rate | 12-26-2015 11:09 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I was going to wear my birthday suit today but it has been stretched out of shape and is covered in hair.
←Rate | 12-26-2015 10:38 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I just tried on my birthday suit. It is stretched out of shape an covered in hair.
←Rate | 12-26-2015 10:20 Comments (0)  


   messageicon "Open Mike Night" sounded like a lot of fun until I realized I'd been invited to an autopsy.
←Rate | 12-26-2015 10:13 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon "Update the force, Luke" Adobe Wan Kenobi
←Rate | 12-26-2015 10:12 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon Christmas. It's been a long 2 1/2 months.
←Rate | 12-26-2015 10:11 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon I hate being sick at Christmas. My wife says I'm not sick, but I was just jacking it while looking at a picture of a fat nun pissing on a hot schools girl. How is that not sick.
←Rate | 12-26-2015 10:06 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Woooooo whoooo!! Just got an email from mark zuckerberg's secratarty stating that I just won 4.5mill all they need is 3k from me to release the funds, just sent them my banking info , Aruba here I come!!! suckkkerrsss!!
←Rate | 12-26-2015 08:35 Comments (0)  


   messageicon It's hard to believe in evolution, when every time I go to Subway the person in front of me has NO IDEA HOW SUBWAY WORKS.
←Rate | 12-26-2015 08:10 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon I dream of a Kardashian-free 2016.
←Rate | 12-26-2015 04:37 Comments (0)  


   messageicon DONALD TRUMP CIRCUS - When you're waiting for a joke to be over but its taking forever, thanks to some idiots perpetuating it.
←Rate | 12-26-2015 02:12 Comments (0)  




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