Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 1428 of 6384
You condemn me as the devil himself in an attempt to erase my spark But since the devil don't exist where I am, he could only be where you are
I got rid of all the bad influence people in my life and now I'm bored.
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10-15-2015 01:04 by Czovczov
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Got all my Christmas gifts bought early this year, hope everyone likes Halloween costumes-
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10-14-2015 15:26 by SEAN
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If a guy don't text you back, he's probably reading the bible or volunteering at an animal shelter. Men don't cheat, idk who lied to y'all.
Maybe I'm old school, but I like women with eyebrows actually made out of hair.
I hate snakes, mainly because they have no feet- you could say I am lack-toes intolerant...
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10-14-2015 14:32 by SEAN
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The only real difference between my 20s and my 30s is that now I make all my bad decisions before midnight.
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10-14-2015 14:09 by SEAN
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The Middle East and Kim Kardashian's a$$ have a lot in common. Both are massive, have tons of oil, and have been invaded by the West.
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10-14-2015 13:38 by SEAN
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Our lazy neighbor cant even rake his yard without clutching his chest and falling down...
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10-14-2015 13:35 by SEAN
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I think my downstairs neighbors are beginning to suspect I'm living in their attic...
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10-14-2015 13:31 by SEAN
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It's sad when your chances of winning the lottery are BETTER than getting a decent raise at work.
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10-14-2015 10:06 by Dude
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I hate it when people say 'You don't need alcohol to have fun.' You don't need shoes to walk on gravel, but they help.
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10-14-2015 07:48 by mds
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I recently added squats to my workouts by moving the beer into the bottom shelf of the fridge.
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10-14-2015 06:57
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I used to be in a band called "missing cat". You've probably seen our poster.
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10-14-2015 06:55
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One day...Ima log onto social media and not see anything Kardashian/Jenner related. One day..
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10-14-2015 03:12
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CNN debate polls are in: Hillary 4% Sanders 6% Webb 2% Putin 70% Karl Marx 18%
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10-14-2015 01:30
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I get it ladies, I had abs before I had kids too.
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10-14-2015 00:37
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If you are caught speeding in Michigan, the police issue you Detroit Lions tickets.
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10-13-2015 21:21 by Murph
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When Ellen DeGeneres gives away an automobile on her show she should call the segment "What Would You Do for a Blonde Dyke's Car?"
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10-13-2015 18:00 by SDBlazer
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I will still be nude when reading Playboy.
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10-13-2015 15:05 by Nipper
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