Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 1423 of 6384
I wear running shoes so I look like I'm going places.
←Rate |
10-25-2015 07:26
Comments (0)
I am just surprised your mouth isn't foot-shaped.
←Rate |
10-25-2015 07:26 by Czovczov
Comments (0)
Apparently today is Mother-In-Law day. Who knew
←Rate |
10-25-2015 07:25
Comments (0)
When the cashier said "Strip down facing me" how was I supposed to know she meant my debit card?
←Rate |
10-25-2015 05:48
Comments (0)
The streets will run red with the blood of my enemies is probably something I shouldn't have said out loud at the neighborhood watch meeting
The thing I miss most about being in a relationship is making someone cry.
←Rate |
10-24-2015 15:17
Comments (0)
HALLOWEEN PRO TIP.... put on your costume then over top of it do the classic ghost blanket costume....go trick-or-treating as a ghost then take the blanket off & go a 2nd round as the other costume you wore underneath....double candy
←Rate |
10-24-2015 15:14 by Eddy
Comments (2)
You can never lose a homing pigeon. If your homing pigeon doesn't come back, what you've lost is a regular pigeon.
←Rate |
10-24-2015 04:44
Comments (0)
I feel kinda sorry for Lamar Odom. Imagine the horror of waking up from a coma and the first thing you see is a Kardashian.
←Rate |
10-24-2015 04:24
Comments (0)
..... Canada ..... Leading the world in being just north of the United States
←Rate |
10-24-2015 04:01
Comments (0)
Even if your not successful in life , You are guaranteed to get two certificates
My therapist is letting me drink alcohol in my therapy session today, and by that I mean I'm drinking and watching Dr Phil.
←Rate |
10-23-2015 23:54
Comments (0)
A lot of people don't realize that Shania Twain's father, Mark, was actually a pretty good writer.
←Rate |
10-23-2015 23:50
Comments (0)
If a puppy stabbed me in the face and stole my car, I'd still be like, "aww."
←Rate |
10-23-2015 17:11 by SteveOH
Comments (0)
For Halloween I’m handing out office supplies that I’ve stolen from work..paper clips..pencils..erasers..pens..toilet paper..hand sanitizer..Kleenex..Cigars.
←Rate |
10-23-2015 17:08
Comments (0)
Let's refer these annoying mereeecans as south Canadians. Game set match
←Rate |
10-23-2015 16:36
Comments (1)
I bet it was like a bad nightmare when Lamar Odom woke up, not that he was in a hospital but that hes back in the Kardashian family.....
←Rate |
10-23-2015 12:26 by Big D
Comments (0)
If you can't beat them let THEM join you, THEN beat them.
←Rate |
10-23-2015 11:44
Comments (0)
Everyone loved Jack-in-the-box as kids...but now that I'm older I prefer mine in-a-bottle!
←Rate |
10-22-2015 23:49
Comments (0)
if you can`t beat them...get some duct tape,rope,and a tazor >:3
←Rate |
10-22-2015 23:47
Comments (0)