Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 1406 of 6384
So. . . If ISIS is contained, like obama says, why can't the refugees all go home?
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11-18-2015 19:52
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Most of the time my life is going great, the other times I am just sober.
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11-18-2015 19:19
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My4FavoriteThings: 1) Long walks on the beach... 2) Long walks back to the car.. 3) Long walks on the beach looking for car keys.. 4) Long waits for AAA
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11-18-2015 18:26 by snotty
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With all the negativity on the internet lately its nice to Charlie Sheen is positive...
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11-18-2015 17:51 by JEBI
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I seriously doubt Dire Straits are still getting their chicks for free.
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11-18-2015 17:46 by snotty
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The brownies I started making in my Easy Bake Oven in 1987 are ready if you guys want one.
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11-18-2015 17:43 by snotty
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Millions of years ago dinosaurs ruled the earth but like all great empires they were eventually brought down by religious fanatics
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11-18-2015 14:01
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Me: I'm lonely Vodka: hey
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11-18-2015 13:40
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The thing about a woman's smile is not knowing if she's simply happy, or because she can't wait to burn your clothes for replying "k" to her heartfelt text message.
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11-18-2015 13:38
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Maybe Adele is singing about her cats. You don’t know.
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11-18-2015 13:34 by Czovczov
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We should start all over again and accept only people who know the difference between ''your'' and ''you're''.
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11-18-2015 13:32
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The only time I believe in luck is when a married man has sex.
I didn't realize the AIDS epidemic was so bad, they say one in every two and a half men have it
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11-18-2015 13:05 by Yaj
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The term 'Islamophobia' is as silly as 'Naziphobia'. Phobia means irrational fear, my fear of Islam is not irrational- -Anna Doe
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11-18-2015 12:21
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After spending years trying to find a good therapist, I can now recommend a great one. His name is Captain Morgan.
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11-18-2015 12:20
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The Definition Of Toilets: The one and only thing Obama is qualified to do, is clean toilets. . .
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11-18-2015 11:29 by JAB
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Did the widows and Orphans get government funded sexchanges to look like 6 foot bodybuilders?
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11-18-2015 11:22
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No matter how long a 'civilization' has existed, there just is no way to bring class to the classless.
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11-18-2015 07:23
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No matter your sexual preferences, your skin color, your religious belief, your origin, if I see you drowning in a lake I will do my best to rescue you at the risk of being hooked and dragged at the bottom in the process. That's what humans are for.
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11-18-2015 00:32
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I see that Charlie Sheen's planning a humanitarian trip to Syria. He says he wants to show them what a real disaster looks like.
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11-17-2015 21:17
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