Marshall the great Funny Status Messages

   Women are like police, they can have all the evidence in the world but they still want a confession.

   There's nothing worse than getting $0.99 back in change

   Every time I pull a flash drive out of a computer I feel like a spy.

   Thanksgiving: The only day where it's American to stuff your face and be proud of it!

   Too bad there isn't an option to hear the next five seconds after someone hits end on a call. Make no mistake that is when the truth comes out.

   One of the best situations in life is to be in a peer group where one person has a grudge against you, but everyone else really likes you.

   If three strikes in bowling is a turkey, then I wish you a happy XXX day tomorrow.

   This years Thanksgiving challenge: See if you can sneak a bowl of Lucky Charms on the table.

   There is a fine line between genius and insanity. I have erased this line.

   Do you want to make a difference? Be different.

   It's a good thing I have Facebook. Otherwise I'd be doing something dumb right now like being efficient at my job.

   They need to change the sign from "Speed Limit" to "Required Speed."

   thankful he's not a turkey

   On Thanksgiving Day, all over America, families sit down to dinner at the same moment – Halftime.

   You can tell you ate too much for Thanksgiving when you have to let your bathrobe out.

   You know that just before that first Thanksgiving dinner there was one wise, old Native American woman saying, “Don't feed them. If you feed them, they'll never leave.

   What did the mother turkey say to her disobedient children? “If your father could see you now, he'd turn over in his gravy!”

   I asked my kid, “Do you know why we have a Thanksgiving holiday?” He said, “Sure! It's so we know when to start Christmas shopping!”

   Thanksgiving is an emotional holiday. People travel thousands of miles to be with people they only see once a year. And then they discover once a year is way too often.

   People get way too dramatic when telling a waiter they haven't left room for desert.