santa AND presents AND christmas AND xmas AND holidays AND elfs Funny Status Messages

   I think for Christmas Mark Zuckerberg should share some of his wealth with us all we helped him make, or at least give us fonts.

   You know what most people are getting for Christmas? Fat.

   The liquor store clerk just wished me a Merry Christmas. As if he wasn't going to see me 5 more times before then.

   This whole Santa should have no gender is crap. Here is how you know Santa is a man. He shows up late, eats your cookie, empties his sack, comes only once, calls you a Ho and leaves while you're asleep.

   Santa gets all the credit and I get all the debt

   if you like christmas so much why don't you merry it

   My wife said I can't have a flamethrower for Christmas.

   In honor of Charles Dickens I am also going to be poor this Christmas

   An easy way to tell people you don't like them is to send them a Xmas card with glitter on it.

   I’d like to see a commercial where the wife receives a brand new Lexus on Christmas morning and the she turns to her husband and says "You idiot! WTF is the matter with you? We can’t afford a Lexus!"

   When people say "Are you ready for Christmas?" I say "I'm ready for it to be over.

   I’m going to write a modern Christmas song called “baby is cold outside” it’s the story of a woman arguing with her husband about the thermostat

   Bad part about being a bomb disposal technician..... It takes me 6 hours to open my Christmas presents.

   What do people who send out family Christmas cards want from us?

   My parents have been attending their own personal Ugly Christmas Sweater Party every holiday season since 1985.

   If you like christmas so much why don’t you merry it

   Any tree can be a Christmas tree if you yell at your family around it.

   Have yourself a merry little christmas sounds pretty condescending - Jennifer Lopez

   I like it when my wife makes Christmas shopping easy. This year she said she wants a gun, Duct tape, some rope, and a large sturdy bag. Can't wait to see what she gets me!

   Gonna go lay under the Christmas tree to remind my family I'm a gift!!