Czovczov Funny Status Messages

   Women only! - 1st rule of Right Club.

   If you are going to stalk me, at least be cute.

   Its about time the government enacted a law that keeps dumb and stupid people away from Social Media.

   R.I.P to my normal sleeping pattern during this festive season.

   50 Shades of Grey - a book for people who don't normally read books or have sex.

   Bears are just men who were abandoned by their wives and haven't shaved since then.

   What doesn't die when you kill it? A relationship.

   Sometimes, you can just tell it's gonna be a "does not play well with others" kind of day.

   He who is humble is not stressed by the superiority complex of fools around him.

   Bend over and take it like a taxpayer.

   I was going to go for a run this morning. Then I remembered I don't run so I put some whiskey in my coffee and sat back down.

   When I hear the phrase 'going viral' I automatically assume herpes is involved at some point.

   Alcohol is not in my vodkabulary. However, I looked it up on whiskeypedia and learned if you drink too much of it, it's likely tequilya.

   You can't trust anybody with the remote control these days

   I'm pretty sure the phrase "sleep tight" originated in prison

   Majority of people prepared to die for their rights are also willing to lie to avoid their responsibilities.

   Most problems can be solved with Nudity

   Nothing worse than getting drunk and slipping and falling into a relationship.

   My grocery list is just a piece of paper that says "snacks".

   Do people that go outside know they could die and stuff?