Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon Why is it....Biggie and Tupac get gunned down but nobody will shoot Kanye West.
←Rate | 02-19-2016 17:54 Comments (3)  


   messageicon I'm beginning to understand why Syria, Raqqa 5-Star Al-Aladin VIP vacation packages are being steeply discounted....
←Rate | 02-19-2016 16:47 by XX-FOXY Comments (0)  


   messageicon This treadmill has no room for my milkshake or my pizza .. Lame design
←Rate | 02-19-2016 16:46 Comments (0)  


   messageicon You know you've reached adulthood when you pause sex when the dryer buzzes...
←Rate | 02-19-2016 14:52 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I've had relationships that didn't last as long as The Undertakers entrance
←Rate | 02-19-2016 14:39 Comments (0)  


   messageicon May everything you want this weekend be within the reach of the couch.
←Rate | 02-19-2016 14:37 Comments (0)  


   messageicon We are the granddaughters of the witches you weren't able to burn.
←Rate | 02-19-2016 14:35 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If I'm a sarcastic a$$hole when I talk to you it's either because I really like you and feel comfortable teasing you, or I really hate you and don't care if you know it. Good luck figuring out which one....
←Rate | 02-19-2016 14:33 Comments (0)  


   messageicon My parents thought they were naming me something unique, but really they just signed me up for a life with a misspelled, mispronounced, never gonna find it on a Coke bottle name.
←Rate | 02-19-2016 14:29 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm at the "What can I make with green beans and cake mix?" stage of needing groceries.
←Rate | 02-19-2016 14:25 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The term "Redneck" is so offensive....they're called "Nascar Americans".
←Rate | 02-19-2016 14:22 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'll be betting on The Pope for the Pope vs. Trump showdown.
←Rate | 02-19-2016 14:20 Comments (1)  


   messageicon Pro tip for the ladies: If you're taking a mirror selfie, look at the mirror not your camera...
←Rate | 02-19-2016 13:53 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Dating someone who didn't even finish high school is so risky, what if they leave you like they left school?
←Rate | 02-19-2016 13:04 Comments (0)  


   messageicon 🎶Take me down to the Vatican City, Where Donald Trump is mean and the Pope is witty🎶
←Rate | 02-19-2016 12:23 Comments (0)  


   messageicon " Why are you doing this? " - I ask myself daily
←Rate | 02-19-2016 12:03 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Adele: Hello. Lionel Richie : Hello is it me you're looking for? Pink Floyd : Hello. Hello. Is anybody in there? Me: This conference call sucks.
←Rate | 02-19-2016 11:57 by TallMtnMan Comments (0)  


   messageicon I just got an e-mail from a Nigerian Prince telling me that if I send him money, he could double it and send it back to me. So I e-mailed him back, "Kanye, is that you?"
←Rate | 02-19-2016 11:36 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Renato Bialetti, who made the stovetop coffeemaker, the Moka Express, famous, was buried inside of one after dying at age 93.
←Rate | 02-19-2016 03:31 Comments (0)  


   messageicon It's a, "I want to fake my own death, move to Mexico & live off of tacos & tequila type of day"....
←Rate | 02-19-2016 03:25 Comments (0)  




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