Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   The thing that disturbs me the most about social media,is when I see a woman from the high school days who didn't age very well, and I think to myself, "Man, I can't believe I zherked off to that."

   Luke Skywalker is barely in the end of the movie and doesn't say a word. it just rolls to the credits.. womp womp

   SPOILER: Ren & Stimpy kill Yoda.

   Everyone picks their nose. It is what you do with it that defines you as a person.

   Han Solo gets killed by his son Kylo Ren.. You're welcome

   A Christmas tree isn't going to be the only thing lit this holiday season

   Not everyone in the front row is a fan. Your biggest hater will disguise themselves as a friend so that they can get closest to you and strike at close range.

   my favorite coffee is made from the shutthehellup bean 😡

   Spoiler alert: Han Solo DIES

   I ' this close to trade 24 hours without hearing about Star Wars for 24 hours of Adele's ''Hello'' in loop on radio.

   Han Solo is killed by his son, Kylo Ren. Luke doesn't say anything and has 30 seconds of screentime. Kylo Ren survives the explosion at the end, leaving it set up for him to be the villain in the next movie.

   For everyone doing your Facebook "year in review..." No one gives a fu@k

   Hillary Clinton could sacrifice a newborn baby on live tv and her supporters would say it was taken out of context

   have my Siri set up as a British Male voice so I can pretend I'm Nightrider or make people think I have a Butler .

   I have my Siri set up as a British Male voice so I can pretend I'm Nightrider or make people think I have a Buttler .

   Only men with beards can truly understand How much a cat or dog loves to have their chin scratched

   Facebook: Where others entertain you with their boredom.

   Nuke the Chinese! ...I mean microwave the take out

   What if Donald Trumps Batman?

   I jioned weight watchers last month , so far o lost 38 dollars................