Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Donald Trump and Bernie Sanders should put their heads together and figure out a way to give everyone free college and make Mexico pay for it.

   ..... I used to laugh when somebody told me what the origin of the KKK was ..... until I actually looked it up. Turns out they were right .....

   A world is supported by four things ... thelearning of the wise, the justice of the great, the prayers of the righteous and the valor of the brave. But all of these are as nothing ... without a ruler who knows the art of ruling. 

   Picking a president to vote for this term is like picking the STD that I would be the most okay with having

   Let's face it America, Bernie is an angry, wrinkly old man who wears wrinkled old suits.

   If Making a Murderer is a documentary, why was the second season confirmed?

   Paging Dr. Ben Carson? Dr. Ben Carson? Please come quickly as your campaign is on life support.

   To win more votes, Rubio should be driving around in a pickup truck.

   If Trump fails to win the Presidency, perhaps he should apply to be the next Grand Wizard of the KKK.

   America, you might call this a presidential election, but the rest of the world is viewing it as your IQ test. And it's not looking good....

   Destiny was never given to us, we chose our own...

   Before we start this relationship, I am going to need you to explain a few pics in your Facebook albums.

   99 bottles of beer on the wall, 99 bottles of beer. Take one down, pass it around...hang on...if there are 99, why can't I have my own?

   I decided to nickname my bathroom the Jim instead of the John. That way I can tell everyone that the first thing I do when I wake up every morning is go to the Jim.

   If Hillary Clinton wins, I'm getting Rosetta Stone and sending El Chapo my resume.

   Dr. Ben Carson: no wins, 2nds, 3rds or even 4ths. Dr. Ben, maybe you should think about...Dr. Ben? Dr. BEN!! All right, I'll come back later.

   Last night I lost my mood ring....I'm not sure how I feel about that.

   I'm afraid if Trump wins he'll leave us for a younger, prettier country...

   that a bottle of Prozac in your pocket or are you just sad to see me?

   Get laser hair removal they said, the technician won't torch your grundle they said.