Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 1372 of 6384
Red meat is not bad for you. Fuzzy green meat...now THAT'S bad for you.
←Rate |
01-06-2016 09:48
Comments (0)
Remember Folks: A day without sunshine is...like, well...night.
←Rate |
01-06-2016 09:46
Comments (0)
Oh, thats a picture of you when you were "younger"? ALL photos of you were when you were younger. Unless you have a time machine. Which you don't.
←Rate |
01-06-2016 09:42
Comments (0)
Return to work after vacation with fresh, re-energized hatred for your job.
←Rate |
01-06-2016 09:25
Comments (0)
"Yo fat man those new suspenders is TIGHT!"~ All my Knickers and my Britches
←Rate |
01-06-2016 08:17
Comments (0)
OBama: Tears of a clown!
←Rate |
01-06-2016 07:51
Comments (0)
So if your are religious you are not accountable for anything? The devil made me you do it?
←Rate |
01-06-2016 07:31
Comments (0)
I was asked which is my favorite of the "X-Men". Apparently "Caitlyn Jenner" was an inappropriate answer.
←Rate |
01-06-2016 06:56
Comments (0)
lots of confidence, but I still hate you.
←Rate |
01-05-2016 23:46
Comments (0)
*stands up in meeting... *wipes boss's chin... Sorry, you had some nonsense coming out of your mouth... *wipes hand on pants
←Rate |
01-05-2016 20:29 by snotty
Comments (0)
I do so declare that from this day forward fake potatoes shall be known as "imitaters."...Please adjust your records and recipes accordingly...Thank you
←Rate |
01-05-2016 20:27
Comments (0)
"Use the forceps, Luke!" - Obi Gyn Kenobi
←Rate |
01-05-2016 20:19 by snotty
Comments (0)
Life gave me onions........ P.S. Onionade sucks.
←Rate |
01-05-2016 20:18 by snotty
Comments (0)
... and then the Devil said,,, "Shorten all the charging wires to no more than a 3 foot length."
←Rate |
01-05-2016 20:12 by snotty
Comments (0)
My husband is on the roof - only a few inches away from an insurance claim that could completely change my life.
←Rate |
01-05-2016 14:16
Comments (0)
Some things need no improving, three stooges for instsn
←Rate |
01-05-2016 10:41 by Smeebert
Comments (0)
It's amazing how many pedestrians confuse right-of-way with immortality.
←Rate |
01-05-2016 05:50
Comments (0)
I'm thinking of going back to school and getting my PHD in bations. I already have my Masters.
←Rate |
01-04-2016 22:33 by iplsports
Comments (0)
Even my dinner tasted like Monday
The best revenge is living well, so I really need to know what the second best revenge is.
←Rate |
01-04-2016 17:47 by snotty
Comments (0)