Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   ..... Apparently Ben Carson did the best in tonight's Debate ....

   Leonardo DiCaprio grows a beard ... wins an Oscar. Apparently it makes a difference.

   ..... I Dunno about Grizzlies Mr. Obama .... But I'm pretty sure Black Bears Matter ....

   She wants to go steady she says, it will be great she said. Until she said, tell me your pass words. Over my dead body I said. . .

   Oscars so white, no fried chicken on the menu.

   I certainly hope the douche who stole my credit card enjoys his $14.03 shopping spree.

   Forget dancing like no one is watching. Dance like a toddler. They don't even care if there's music....

   Trump: We all have that one special person whose presence just instantaneously angers us.

   If you are lucky enough to find a weirdo never ever let them go, unless his name is Donald J. Trump.

   If Bruce Jenner can win Woman of the Year, I see no reason why Sarah Jessica Parker can't win the Kentucky Derby. Giddy up!!!

   Some girls: "I hangout with guys, there's less drama." Guys: "I hangout with myself watching sports or Netflix. There's no drama and I don't have to wear pants."

   Where was this Mitt Romney during the last general election? Had he been like this he would be running for re-election this time

   Donald Trump....make America orange again.

   The best thing about my phone screen shattering is that it now matches my dreams and aspirations for this Presdential election.

   U.S Quiz - Which Donald is a cartoon, a clown and the Republicans' top choice for President?

   Protip: Never mess with a man who leaves foam in a urinal.

   Donald Trump knows darn well who David Duke and the KKK are and he welcomes their endorsement. He just doesn't want to openly admit it.

   Donald Trump....Going to Make America White Again

   Can someone please post a picture of your breakfast for me.. to encourage me to get to make my own. . .

   I imagine that fish that are caught and released are the aquatic equivalent of people who claim to have been abducted by aliens.