Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 1356 of 6384
[dog on trial for murder]... Lawyer: Who's a good boy?... Dog: I am... Lawyer: Your honor, I rest my case....
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01-26-2016 18:09 by snotty
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Does Dunkin Donuts make a body spray?... *Asking for a friend..
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01-26-2016 18:04 by snotty
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Bernie Sanders says feel the Bern but it's really Bengay
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01-26-2016 16:56
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Did Bernie Sanders wander off from the nursing home again?
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01-26-2016 16:53
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Martin Sheen would be the best President, let's all vote him in.
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01-26-2016 16:02
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I think we should line up all the presidential candidates and see which one a dog doesn't bark at. That person should become president.
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01-26-2016 13:49 by Nipper
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Hillary : I think it's time for a woman in the Oval Office. Bill: To late.
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01-26-2016 12:53
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My cat probably thinks I'm cleaning my ice cream...
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01-26-2016 10:45 by JEBI
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Thankfully, my Guardian Angel gets Hazardous Duty pay.
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01-26-2016 09:14
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People who try to test my patience don't realize it's an exam I don't plan on passing
Imagine being 5 minutes from the end of the longest movie ever & it starts over because it forgot something. That's my kid telling a story.
If you would vote for Hillary Clinton, it's only obvious that you are in a long distance relationship with reality.
Melania, Millenium, Malva.....I bet no one knows the name of Donald Trump's latest wife either.
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01-26-2016 04:27
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So it seems Serena Williams continues to live inside Maria Sharapova's head rent-free.
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01-26-2016 04:17
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Bernie Sanders need to start drinking decaffeinated coffee.
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01-26-2016 04:15
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Bernie, Bernie, oh Bernie Sanders....he's such an angry old man who needs his medication.
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01-26-2016 04:14
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Donald Trump said he could shoot someone and still win. Can someone tell me what is different between him and ISIS then?
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01-26-2016 01:19
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I'm going to hang a Batman outfit in my closet to screw with myself when I get Alzheimer's.
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01-26-2016 00:19 by daheavy1
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Look on the bright side, Hillary. Nelson Mandela did get elected president until after he'd served 27 years in prison.
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01-25-2016 20:21
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Anyone planning on watching Lucifer tonight? Just to clarify, I'm not talking about the new TV show on Fox, I'm talking about Hillary Clinton at the Democratic Town Hall debate on CNN.
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01-25-2016 19:54 by Kingman
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