Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 1345 of 6384
how can Ted Cruz be elected to a job as a law maker when he can't read & understand the law ghat says you have to be born in the US to become President?
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02-07-2016 08:58
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"Don't be shy, send that 12th unanswered text." --Tequila
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02-07-2016 03:46
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A good business idea: Open a Pho restaurant that never closes, calling it Twenty Pho Seven.
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02-07-2016 03:43
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If someone ever tells you that you're putting too much peanut butter on your bread, stop talking to them. You don't need that kind of negativity in your life.
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02-07-2016 03:39
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Always be yourself. Except during job interviews, the first few months of a relationship, or any type of social interaction.
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02-07-2016 03:35
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Yesterday I really wanted a burrito. Today I am eating a burrito. Follow your f*cking dreams.
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02-07-2016 03:32
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Superbowl Party Eating Tip: Your pants won't get too tight if you don't wear any.
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02-07-2016 03:27
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Cute but Psycho: That is a funny way to spell "woman".
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02-07-2016 03:19
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Restrooms in the future: 1. Men 2. Women 3. Selfies
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02-07-2016 03:17
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Remember when you were 12 and were like "I can't wait to be older" and now you're older and your like "I hate my life, I want to cry everyday." LOL. Good times.
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02-07-2016 03:15
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Hipsters is what happens when you tell every child they're special.
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02-07-2016 03:11
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Girl Guides selling cookies: America's most successful crack dealers.
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02-07-2016 03:06
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I want dogs to be allowed at more places and I want children under 8 to not be.
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02-07-2016 03:04
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"Earth" without "Art" is just "Eh".
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02-07-2016 03:02
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A blue whale's fart bubbles are large enough to enclose a horse. Yeah...think about that for a moment.
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02-07-2016 03:00
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I work hard so my dog can have a better life.
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02-07-2016 02:57
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Do you ever hear a song on your car radio and think "I better not die listening to this song"?
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02-07-2016 02:56
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You may have been drunk before, but you haven't been lightsaber fighting in the street at 2 am drunk.
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02-07-2016 02:55
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Facebook needs a special button for those who are sick of cartoonists making fun of short T-Rex arms.
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02-07-2016 02:53
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How does Ted Cruz always look both happy and sad? "I like lasagna but it's not what I ordered", his face says.
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02-07-2016 02:49
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