Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon Duct tape can't fix stupid Hillary Clinton supporters, but it can muffle the sound.
←Rate | 04-03-2016 22:13 by JAB Comments (0)  


   messageicon It took dozens and dozens of flushes, but my guinea pig's funeral is finally over.
←Rate | 04-03-2016 21:10 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon The recommended age to have a Ouija Board is 8+ years old. So, you need to be 21 years old to drink alcohol and 8 to summon the devil.
←Rate | 04-03-2016 20:56 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon I was going to smoke a joint with some Mexicans. I asked if any of them had papers and the all ran away.
←Rate | 04-03-2016 20:19 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If Obama was so great, why do you need Bernie or Hillary to fix things?
←Rate | 04-03-2016 19:52 Comments (1)  


   messageicon I read that cucumber slices over your eyes reduce puffiness and wrinkles but they just made me drive into a tree
←Rate | 04-03-2016 19:38 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon Hugs that turn into sex? Where do I get those? Mine always turn into "Let me go or I'm calling the police!"
←Rate | 04-03-2016 17:05 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If April showers bring Mayflowers, what do Mayflowers bring? Pilgrims.
←Rate | 04-03-2016 16:43 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The flowers are blooming. The grass is green. The popcorn is ready. Baseball is back. Another excuse to drink more beer....
←Rate | 04-03-2016 15:31 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If April showers bring Mayflowers, what do Mayflowers bring? Genocide.
←Rate | 04-03-2016 15:29 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I am who I am. I'm weird, I'm lame, I run into things, I spill food, I trip, I scream about random and stupid stuff like fellow Trump supporters do. But, I like it that way.
←Rate | 04-03-2016 15:26 Comments (0)  


   messageicon You really understand how drunk you are when you're peeing...
←Rate | 04-03-2016 15:14 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The Americans are the only ones in the world that think their elections are actually real . Everybody else just sees different fingers off the same corporate puppet . .
←Rate | 04-03-2016 14:25 Comments (0)  


   messageicon All the keyboard warriors these days... SMH. They all probably get scared $h!tless when the toast pops up..
←Rate | 04-03-2016 10:02 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Sorry Syracuse, but if I wanted to see an Orangeman lose by that much, I would just check the general election polls!
←Rate | 04-02-2016 23:38 Comments (0)  


   messageicon geta Life opinions can be hilarious. Like thinking yours is going to stop us.
←Rate | 04-02-2016 15:23 Comments (0)  


   messageicon They should really considered remaking "Back To The Future 2" where there aren't any flying cars. And people just stare at their phones all day getting easily offended to everything they read....
←Rate | 04-02-2016 15:21 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Do you ever start rubbing your eyes and then it feels so really good and you can't stop so it's like eye masterbation....
←Rate | 04-02-2016 15:18 Comments (0)  


   messageicon "No hardworking American should be forced to live without more cowbell." Christopher Walken for President, 2016.
←Rate | 04-02-2016 15:08 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Your sexy legs looks like an Oreo cookie. I want to split them and eat all the good stuff in the middle....
←Rate | 04-02-2016 15:05 Comments (0)  




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