Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 1329 of 6384
🎶Take me down to the Vatican City, Where Donald Trump is mean and the Pope is witty🎶
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02-19-2016 12:23
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" Why are you doing this? " - I ask myself daily
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02-19-2016 12:03
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Adele: Hello. Lionel Richie : Hello is it me you're looking for? Pink Floyd : Hello. Hello. Is anybody in there? Me: This conference call sucks.
I just got an e-mail from a Nigerian Prince telling me that if I send him money, he could double it and send it back to me. So I e-mailed him back, "Kanye, is that you?"
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02-19-2016 11:36
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Renato Bialetti, who made the stovetop coffeemaker, the Moka Express, famous, was buried inside of one after dying at age 93.
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02-19-2016 03:31
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It's a, "I want to fake my own death, move to Mexico & live off of tacos & tequila type of day"....
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02-19-2016 03:25
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.... Global Warming is just a lot of hot air.
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02-19-2016 01:05
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Once upon a time a man was told to go f#ck himself and he lived happily ever after. . .
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02-18-2016 20:58 by JAB
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wonders when the Pope will tear down the 39 foot tall wall that surrounds the Vatican; a sovereign country.
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02-18-2016 14:01
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Thank god for the UNFOLLOW function. With one click, they stop existing in your world and on your timeline.
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02-18-2016 13:23
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In the history of earth, no woman has ever successfully changed a man yet they keep trying to this very day.
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02-18-2016 12:42 by Czovczov
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My preschooler talks a lot of trash when we play Chutes and Ladders for someone who needs help counting his spaces.
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02-18-2016 08:18 by Snotty
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My wife just opened a jar of pickles by herself and I can't help but believe my days around here are numbered...
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02-17-2016 23:18 by eengrms
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The letter "S" in PMS stands for Satan... I'm pretty sure of this.
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02-17-2016 19:04 by Snotty
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Surprise your buddy by putting on clown makeup and dying in his attic.
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02-17-2016 19:02 by Snotty
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So Hillary Clinton is now seen on national TV barking like a dog. I suggest that she may be preparing for "The dog ate my emails" defense.
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02-17-2016 19:00
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So Clinton is barking like a dog now... how appropriate
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02-17-2016 17:07
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Don't worry Paul McCartney, I have been refused entry into night clubs too.
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02-17-2016 15:15
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The lesbians next door gave me a Rolex for my Birthday, very nice. But misunderstood, when I said, "I wanna watch".
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02-17-2016 14:47
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Scream "I am worthy" until the stars collapse upon your brilliance.
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02-17-2016 14:28
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