Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 1323 of 6384
Rabbits jump and they live for 8 years. Dogs run and they live for 15 years. Turtles do nothing and they live for 150 years. Lesson learned.
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02-22-2016 04:22
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Fact: 99% of men watch porn, 1% is lying. 1% of women watch porn, 99% are lying.
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02-22-2016 04:16
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To those girls wearing too much makeup....Whoa calm down, it's a face not a coloring book.
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02-22-2016 04:09
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Most great musicians die young, unfortunately we're going to be stuck with Kanye West for a while
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02-21-2016 19:50
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If you're on vacation in some exotic place, just be cool and post 1 or 2 pictures a day. I don't need a rolling archive of your hipster Cambodian holiday while I'm watching 'Making A Murderer" alone on the couch.
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02-21-2016 16:54
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For fun, I steal all my married friends phones and change my name to "Brandy from the club"....then repeatedly call them & hang up at 3 am.
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02-21-2016 16:49
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My ex girlfriend left me because of my obsession with Linkin Park. But in the end, it doesn't even matter....
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02-21-2016 16:47
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My parents didn't ever actually teach me how to be an adult. The only things I learned were to hoard plastic bags within plastic bags and that whenever there is a person in your house you feed them.
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02-21-2016 16:45
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LIfe is simple. Be yourself. Find something you would die for. Be loyal to those who deserve it and tell the rest to go f*ck themselves.
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02-21-2016 16:42
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"The truth shall set you free"....unless you are in court. Then you should probably shut the f*ck up.
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02-21-2016 16:39
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Shoutout to all the girls who are curled up in a ball in their bed waiting for that goodnight text. Go to sleep, cuz he doesn't love you....
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02-21-2016 16:37
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Only in America, where the Feds can't find a missing girl or a missing plane but they can find a little sack of weed between a black person's a$$.
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02-21-2016 16:36
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I am really into CrossFit. I cross my fingers and hope I can fit my a$$ in those jeans.
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02-21-2016 16:32
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Personally, I don't believe in Bros Before Hoes or Hoes Before Bros. There needs to be a balance. A homie-hoe-stasis, if you will.
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02-21-2016 16:05
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If you're happy with any of these buffoons running for President you probably shouldn't be allowed to vote.
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02-21-2016 15:27
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Why is Dr. Ben Carson still in the Republican presidential race? We don't need a crazy brain surgeon as our next leader.
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02-21-2016 14:58
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Me: can I have a large? Starbucks employee: you mean a venti? Me: can we not fu$&ing do this
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02-21-2016 12:23
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... Woke up this morning and found a lump on my breast ..... was relieved to find out it's not cancerious .... Just my boyfriend refusing to let go!
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02-21-2016 11:59
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what makes Trump a winner? He isn't Obama, isn't that enough for the rest of the world who had to suffer through 8 years of hell to celebrate?
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02-21-2016 06:09
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Everyone has that one friend that can turn any conversation into something dirty....I am usually that friend.
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02-21-2016 05:06
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