Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon You want to get the PERFECT body, it's easy... 😮 Walk up hill, a lot.. & only eat meat. 👍........ *Sponsored by Ed's hillwalking & meats Ltd
←Rate | 04-30-2016 18:38 by Snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon 20s: Sure, I'll take the floor... 30s: The floor? No, But I'll sleep on the couch.... 40s: What thread count are your sheets?
←Rate | 04-30-2016 18:25 by Snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm always amazed at how eating 2lbs of chocolate can make you gain 7lbs.
←Rate | 04-30-2016 18:21 by Snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon I've been to jail twice this week. So if you're into bad boys get at me. But not tonight cause I have knitting class.
←Rate | 04-30-2016 17:53 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Just wondering, will there be any Transgendered bathrooms at the Republican National Convention this summer?
←Rate | 04-30-2016 16:23 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Come on people I don't think we are ready for a woman president!! I can't believe no ones asking her the important questions like can she cook!!!
←Rate | 04-30-2016 12:48 by Tony Comments (0)  


   messageicon You can tell a lot about a woman the way she pours gasoline around your car.
←Rate | 04-30-2016 12:15 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I love coffee, but if someone with a British accent offers me crumpets and tea, l would totally cheat.
←Rate | 04-30-2016 12:09 Comments (0)  


   messageicon A zip line but from the sofa to the fridge
←Rate | 04-30-2016 12:05 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I don't care if you're male or female as long as you fill the paper roll the right way. Oh, and make sure the seat is down...
←Rate | 04-30-2016 11:18 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Listen,, If it looks like a duck, swims like a duck, and barks like a pig, then I probably took too many pills.
←Rate | 04-30-2016 09:50 by Snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon Started my new healthy diet today. Breakfast is 2 almonds, I lick an apple for lunch, and dinner is yelling at a picture of myself naked.
←Rate | 04-30-2016 09:48 by Snotty Comments (2)  


   messageicon Help I don't know what to do I just learn my Bathroom is used by Males and Females so guess its a Transgender Bathroom. Do I boycott it?
←Rate | 04-30-2016 09:18 Comments (0)  


   messageicon With all the controversy surrounding public restrooms, I am now identifying myself as 'waiting til I get home'
←Rate | 04-30-2016 08:05 Comments (0)  


   messageicon A picture only captures a millisecond of a life. So at the end of the day, don't judge a person by their pics.
←Rate | 04-30-2016 08:04 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Anybody have the over/under on the number of bathroom door labels that will be available at the Democratic National Convention?
←Rate | 04-29-2016 21:14 Comments (0)  


   messageicon No matter how good looking she is, somewhere a man is tired of her crap... Jayz
←Rate | 04-29-2016 19:37 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Bat : $300. Killer Sunglasses: $200. Batting Gloves: $30. Getting called out on strikes in slow pitch softball: PRICELESS.
←Rate | 04-29-2016 16:15 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Indians seem to always have a Discount. I asked Rajesh what time is it? He replied, " Its 3 O'clock my friend but for you I will make it 2.30".
←Rate | 04-29-2016 15:03 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The real problem with the upcoming election is one of them is going to win...
←Rate | 04-29-2016 08:54 Comments (2)  




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