Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 1320 of 6384
The doctor said, I need to drink more whiskey....also I am now calling myself "The Doctor" now!
←Rate |
02-24-2016 04:10
Comments (0)
I don't understand why people pay big money for a colon cleaning when they can go to their nearest Taco Bell and order a bean burrito for a buck!
←Rate |
02-24-2016 04:08
Comments (0)
An UPS truck is like the adult version of an ice cream truck.
←Rate |
02-24-2016 04:06
Comments (0)
If I ever go missing, I would like my photo put on beer cans instead of milk cartons. This way my friends will know to look for me.
←Rate |
02-24-2016 04:03
Comments (0)
Kinky is using a feather....Freaky is using the whole chicken.
←Rate |
02-24-2016 04:00
Comments (3)
Does anyone else clean their phone on their boob or is that just me?
←Rate |
02-24-2016 03:59
Comments (0)
People who get offended on the internet are the same people who take mini golf seriously.
←Rate |
02-24-2016 03:54
Comments (0)
My therapist told me "Time heals all wounds", so I stabbed him. Now we wait....
←Rate |
02-24-2016 03:46
Comments (0)
Women plan to look so hot at their wedding that their "something blue" is everyone's balls.
←Rate |
02-24-2016 03:45
Comments (0)
I could be wrong but I think Kanye West is on the verge of having a Britney 2007 meltdown.
←Rate |
02-24-2016 03:42
Comments (0)
Fact: The universe is made up of protons, neutrons, electrons and morons.
←Rate |
02-24-2016 03:41
Comments (0)
People who laugh so hard at their own jokes that they can't even finish the joke because they're laughing so hard are my favorite kind of people.
←Rate |
02-24-2016 03:39
Comments (0)
I don't know why you are complaining about your appearance, your personality is even worse.
←Rate |
02-24-2016 03:35
Comments (0)
Oh hi Becky, who refused to kiss me during Spin The Bottle in 6th grade & now wants to play Candy Crush, looks like the tables have turned.
←Rate |
02-24-2016 03:34
Comments (0)
I'm not a morning person, heck I'm not an afternoon person either, I pretty much start fuctioning at about 6 pm.
←Rate |
02-24-2016 03:31
Comments (0)
That moment when you realize you might have made a mistake letting your 5 year old watch The Walking Dead....
←Rate |
02-24-2016 03:29
Comments (0)
Asking how my day at work went is like asking how a drive-by shooting went....I'm just happy I got out alive!
←Rate |
02-24-2016 00:00
Comments (0)
When I was a child I thought nap time was punishment .... NOW I consider it a mini vacation.
←Rate |
02-23-2016 23:20
Comments (0)
If y'all hate the Republican candidates so much ...... why don't you find some better candidates?
←Rate |
02-23-2016 23:18
Comments (0)
..... Of course I talk to myself ... heck .... Sometimes I need expert advice!!!
←Rate |
02-23-2016 23:14
Comments (0)