Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 1318 of 6384
Burger King is the only fast food I trust... because it costs $10.47 for a chicken sandwich and takes 40minutes to prepare...
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02-25-2016 14:29
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What if Gordon Ramsay voiced a GPS? "Great job, you missed the bloody exit you f*cking disgrace."
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02-25-2016 14:28
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If you like having sex while listening to music -- always choose a live album. That way you'll get an applause every 3 to 4 minutes.
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02-25-2016 14:26
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Early morning sex has been proven to be more effective than coffee.
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02-25-2016 14:22
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I always say "Morning" instead of "Good Morning" because if it was a good morning I would still be in my bed and not talking to people.
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02-25-2016 14:20
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You're so vain, you probably think this ritualistic cursed voodoo doll, I made in your likeness, is about you.
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02-25-2016 14:18
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Do you think Chewbacca has human genitals or one of those red rocket things that dogs get? George Lucas won't respond to my email.
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02-25-2016 14:16
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Brace yourself, the warm weather is bringing out white girls that tan too much and think they look good, but they really look like Oompa Loompas.
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02-25-2016 14:10
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Trump is the Kanye West of white folks.
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02-25-2016 11:56 by Czovczov
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its stupid when girls say they cant find a guy, yet they ignore me. its like saying youre hungry when theres a hot dog on the ground outside
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02-25-2016 10:56
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Did anyone ever have a nightmare where your smart phone gets destroyed... and then you wake up? Best feeling ever.
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02-25-2016 08:53
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I like my coffee to be a reflection of myself. Dark, bitter, and too hot for you.
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02-25-2016 07:57
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Everytime this post is liked, the writer of this post gets kicked in the genitals.
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02-25-2016 04:01
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Back in the day, there wasn't so many warning labels on things. People weren't so freaking stupid.
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02-25-2016 03:35
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If I hit snooze three times it should automatically send an email to my boss saying I'll be out sick.
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02-25-2016 03:33
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The human brain is freaking amazing. It functions 24/7 from when we were born & only stops when you take a test or talk to someone attractive.
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02-25-2016 03:31
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Ya'll been dating for three days and you're already saying "I love you" = But that's none of my business.
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02-25-2016 03:29
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A single kind word or a photo of your boobs can make somebody's day.
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02-25-2016 03:28
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The sex was so good even the neighbors had a cigarette.
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02-25-2016 03:27
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What do you call a woman with no a$$hole? Divorced!
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02-25-2016 03:26
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