bego Funny Status Messages

   … Everytime I see a mattress on top of a car I think it's a prostitute making house calls …

   It's going to be weird still checking Facebook when I'm 70.

   What's the difference between a northern fairytale and a southern fairytale? A northern fairytale begins “Once upon a time…” A southern fairytale begins “Y'all ain't gonna believe this s@%t…”

   The only effective way to end a Facebook conversation is with “LOL”

   X wondering what the weather's like in India. I think i'll call AT&T.

   America is a country which produces citizens who will cross the ocean to fight for democracy but won't cross the street to vote.

   At every party there are two kinds of people: those who want to go home and those who don't. The trouble is, they are usually married to each other.

   The rest of the world uses Facebook to overthrow evil dictators. I just learned some girl I hated in high school likes her new pedicure.

   I remember that one time, before Facebook, when I went outside and did stuff.

   I'm not a stalker I'm just bad with goodbyes

   Men always want to be a woman's first love. Women have a more subtle instinct; what they like to be is a man's last romance.

   Where you find true friendship, You find true love.

   anyone going to tell America's Funniest Home Videos about youtube?

   How come we live in a world where lemonade is made from artificial flavors & furniture polish is made from real lemons?

   Men are the best cooks. Because with two eggs, one sausage and a little bit of milk, he can fill a girl's tummy for nine months.

   I was going to go to the gym and run 7 miles tomorrow morning to continue trying to look good but then I remembered I own Photoshop like some of you guys.

   Jealousy is an illness, get well soon!

   When your dreaming with a broken heart, waking up is the hardest part.

   Dont tell me the sky is the limit when there are damn footprints on the moon.

   next time my name is in your mouth I hope you choke on it ass =)