Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 1305 of 6383
Older people who have sex on a regular basis may have a better chance at avoiding dementia. But there's no such luck for anyone who happens to walk in on them.
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03-09-2016 16:11
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Kim Kardashian twieeted a nude selfie yesterday. If Kim wants us to see a part of her we've never seen, she's gonna have to swallow the camera.
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03-09-2016 16:09
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Me: Should I buy it? Brain: No!! Wallet: No!! Parents: No!! Cat: Meow NO!! Universe: NO!! Me: Sold.
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03-09-2016 16:05
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Wow!!! Thank you guy on Facebook I went to high school with and haven't spoken to in 14 years, you really changed my mind about this upcoming election....
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03-09-2016 16:01
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"The righteous are those who feed the poor, the orphan and the captive for the love of God, saying: 'We feed you for the sake of God Alone; we seek from you neither reward nor thanks.'"
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03-09-2016 14:31 by dang
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Only if some people knew how silly, stupid and ridiculous they look while holding a selfie stick...
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03-09-2016 14:29 by Czovczov
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There's so many pictures of trump thrusting an index finger at me in my timeline, I'm starting to feel violated and a little horny.
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03-09-2016 13:33 by Karen
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I may be my own worst enemy but there is a hell of a lot of competition out there vying to unseat me.
I know they didn't ask for it, but I sent a stool sample in with my tax returns.
Well, I've come to the conclusion that nobody can tell me how to get to Sesame St. . .
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03-09-2016 11:23 by JAB
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Picking a president to vote for this term is like picking the STD that I would be the most okay with having.
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03-09-2016 11:23 by MJB
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Why are all these liberals only going to move to Canada if Trump gets elected? What's wrong with Mexico?
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03-09-2016 07:28 by That guy
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....The U.S. Defense Dept. has been making plans in the event of a Zombie Apocalypse ... Since Zombies eat brains ... It was determined that the US Congress would be safe.
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03-09-2016 00:13
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The guy who invented email, sadly, has died. He's been moved to the Permanently Deleted Items folder.
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03-08-2016 20:57
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If Zombies eat brains, I know a lot of people who have nothing to worry about. . .
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03-08-2016 19:58 by JAB
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Think I will get a night job being a cuddler. After 8 hrs the $ex is free. . .
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03-08-2016 18:47 by JAB
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Yikes. don't google "cream pies", google "cream pie recipes"
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03-08-2016 12:35 by Czovczov
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This Women's Day, the real woman of substance is Maria Sharapova.
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03-08-2016 12:13
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The guy who invented email, sadly, has died. ---actually he died a few days ago, but they just found him in somebody's spam folder.
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03-08-2016 11:43
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(Glass breaks) Her: I think someones breaking in! Me: I'll take care of this! (grabs a toilet brush) Her: A toilet brush? What are you going to do scrub him to death? Me: Would you want to be touched with this?