BEGO Funny Status Messages

   Marriage is like a late night phone call. You get a ring and then you wake up.

   You don't have to like me. I'm not a facebook status.

   Without Facebook, I probably wouldn't have wished you a happy birthday. ツ

   thinks God invented whiskey so the Irish would never rule the world!

   Does AT&T allow phone calls on their network? Anyone know?

   The best selling books are cookbooks and the second are diet books. So you can learn how not to eat what you've just learned how to cook.

   Wives & girlfriends are temporary but ex-wives & ex-girlfriends last forever.

   The four food groups: Fast, Frozen, Instant, and Chocolate.

   After the age of 35, people start losing 7,000 brain cells a day. That number is tripled if they have a Facebook account.

   Did you know? Line dancing was started by women waiting to use the bathroom.

   I demand a “That's what she said” button be added to Facebook

   Don't do drugs kids. There is a time and place for everything. It's called college.

   New Life goal, make it to the bottom of my chapstick before  I lose it.

   I tell people to have a great weekend at noon on Mondays hoping they won't talk to me for the rest of the week.

   I need an app on my phone to connect to the morons Bluetooth driving next to me so I can fart in his ear.

   Dear guy who invented taking pictures of yourself in a mirror with a cell phone: Do you see what you've done? I hope you're happy.

   Be tender to the young, compassionate to the aged, tolerant with the weak. For in your life you will be all of these.

   The best way to keep your kids out of hot water is to put some dishes in it.

   Some women get excited about nothing, and then marry him.

   Facebook is the adult way of having imaginary friends