life Funny Status Messages

   All good things come to those you hate. While you sit and wonder why this is true, the one you hate is enjoying their life while you just sit there and wonder why.

   Life is precious and short. If you have time today, make sure to tell your enemies to f*ck off before they die and you're too late.

   Laughing at your mistakes can lengthen your life. Laughing at your wife's can shorten it.

   In my life, I have gotten much more useful and practical advice from Cesar Millan the dog whisperer than I have gotten from Dr. Phil.

   been spending most my life living in a Gansta's Paradise...

   If you ever reach a point in life when you are 'too old' or 'too mature' to enjoy Hey Arnold, you're dead inside

   Watching CNN coverage of Irene, reporter is standing holding on for dear life... ready to fall over from the wind... 75lb. girl walks by with her ipod on walking her dog and not even off balance. AMERCIA at its best!

   Dear Boss, Life is full of surprises. I'm not coming into work today. SUPRISE!!

   Big Pool Party Going On Saturday Night,Through Sunday.Hosted By Hurricane Irene..Music By:Raindrops,Thunder,Wind&Guest Apperence By Lightning.This Gonna Get Crazy Get Your Life Jackets.

   When her favorite song comes on she shakes the a$$ like a pro but can't ride a d*ck to save her life

   Imagine a guy trying to run upstairs while wearing roller blades. That's my life

   My girlfriend asked me what I would do if she were to die. I told her I'd probably do 25 to life.

   #ThatMomentOfHappiness when you see your ex and they're doing worse without you in their life

   Life is what you make it! I made it into a bottle of booze and chugged the whole bottle in one sitting and then threw the bottle at a tree.

   life is a battle field and there are so many dangers, just when you think it's okay it blows up in your face..

   So you can't even find time in your day to send me just one message? I guess that tells me where I stand.. if you want me in your life, find a way of getting me there.. i'm done trying!

   You're like a drug to me, not only am I hooked on you but you're also ruining my life...

   Go to your profile, look to the right. Now annoy those 8 friends by tagging them in a stupid post about the zombie apoclyspe, or bank robbery, and let them know you have no life.

   Some people just don't get it. If you're not happy being single, you'll never be happy in a relationship. GET A LIFE FIRST then try to share it

   There are only 5 things we need in life: Good friends, Good job, Good food, Good sleep & Good _uck. Whatever you are thinking... is right.