sean Funny Status Messages

   I wouldn't have to manage my anger if people would manage their stupidity

   I never said she was a prostitute, all I said was she used her panties as ankle warmers!

   Being alive is so expensive.

   “You’re beautiful the way you are, ladies. Just kidding, you need to buy this stuff.” – commercials

   "We have to get together sometime!" is a just another way of saying, "I regret running into you."

   Michelangelo seems like a genius until you realize he spent hours of his life carving a dude's pubes out of marble.

   Chris Brown said he might retire from music. That sure is going to leave him with a lot of time on his fists.

   Girls get so mad when you point out that their stupid friends are stupid.

   Everything happens for a reason. Sometimes the reason is that you're ignorant and make bad decisions.

   Went fishing before the strip club, first time I've smelled like fish before the club...

   Come on guys! I've had to deactivate facebook due to the pressure

   Let's be honest. The only reason I listen to my voice-mail messages is to make the stupid icon disappear.

   If an Elvis impersonator dies, doesn't he kind of become the best Elvis impersonator?

   I’m starting to think I buy bananas just to watch them die a slow death in my own home.

   I imagine homeless people aren't the biggest fans of little dogs wearing sweaters.

   Why is there Head & Shoulders shampoo. Who has hair on their shoulders. Who's shampooing their shoulder hair. Please come forward.

   James Gandolfini is dead of a heart attack and Dick Cheney is alive and well. So go ahead and remove "karma" from the dictionary.

   I don't get how holding the door for a stranger is polite but flushing the urinal for them isn't.

   "Herpes!"-What I see when your Facebook status says "Vegas, baby!"

   I was going to start running today but then I decided to eat 6 tacos instead.