g0re Funny Status Messages

   It's a recipe for disaster when your country has an obesity epidemic and a skinny jean fad.

   I don't understand why people are so amazed when I say that my grandfather survived Auschwitz. I mean, most German officers did.

   Girls: Theres always going to be that girl you think is much prettier, funnier, sweeter and just generally more perfect but have you ever realized that you're probably that girl to someone else?

   I wish I could type my mood into my iPod and it would make a playlist for me.

   Sometimes you can't tell if you're just in a bad mood or everyone around you is being annoying.

   Everything is made in China, Except for babies, They're made in the VaChina

   How is LIL WAYNE, a man with a wife, ex-wife, 5 baby mommas, 3 boos, 2 hoes an a partridge in a pear tree, gonna tell me how to love.

   The funniest thing about the Darth Vader kid car commerical was that the parents thought they started the car.

   You've really got to hand it to short people, because sometimes they often can't reach it.

   I never let my children watch band performances on TV. Too much sax and violins.

   something to mark their territory. I mean if someone peed on something most people would be like, "Eww, okay. That's yours now."

   When a package says "easy open" I end up using scissors, knife, hammer, gun and a lightsaber.

   Well, obviously we have a Santa in the North Pole. He's climbin' down yo chimney, droppin' yo' presents off Bringin' cheer so ya'll need to hang the stockings, deck the halls, and leave some cookies cuz he's visiting errrybody out there.

   It's amazing the things you'll do while procrastinating; it's almost anti- procrastination. It's like "Well, I just re-read all 7 Harry Potter books learned fluent German and mastered the ability of knife throwing... But I still didn't start that essay"

   Ghetto people are always naming their kids after things they can't afford... Mercedes, Diamond, Pearl, Car Insurance.

   This Planking epidemic is getting out of hand. The old lady next door been laying outside for 3 days now.

   Homosexual has the same number of letters as cantaloupe. Coincidence? Yes.

   If your apartment is hit by a dolphin DO NOT GO OUT TO SEE IF THE DOLPHIN IS OK. That's just how the hurricane tricks you into coming outside.

   Life is like a bowl of soup; you only get blown if you're hot.

   If you can't remember someone's name then, ask them "what was your name again?" Out of instinct, they tel you their first name. Then say "Oh I knew that, I meant your last name!" And boom, you get the full name, and you're not rude. Double score.