FADOLO Funny Status Messages

   Shoutout 2 all the dark skinned girls with the cheetah print tattoo that looks like a 2nd degree burn.

   I like to throw a fake punch at a hooker's crotch. If she flinches, I know it's a dude.

   Your picture on Facebook (`▽´) .Your face in real life (‾(••)‾)

   Apparently, I can't say "Blak paint!" any more. I have to be PC and say, "Please paint that wall, Leroy."

   My kids got in a fist fight while playing one of those claw machines at the pizza joint & sh@t like that is why I'm never sober.

   Wish I was rich enough to own a room full of bees & if someone upset me I could order my muscular butler to "Take them to the Bee Room!"

   Three skiers kiled in an avalanche today... meanwhile in my living room me and my beer remain totally safe.

   I understand how people feel when they see their ex with someone else. I feel the SAME way when I see the pizza guy at somebody else house

   Young guys with beards are always secretly sad when you talk to them & don't compliment their beard.

   "It's complicated" is Facebook for "he's not hittin' it right."

   That moment of epic sadness when you shut down the computer and then you realize that you need it again.

   Last night my wife and I had a dinner party. About Halfway through it, I decided to walk the dog. My wife went mental and told me to grow up and stop doing tricks with my yoyo.

   I think I'd rather hear gunshots coming from my parents bedroom than hear one more second of Chris Brown tonight.

   Paul McCartney looks like my uncle Fred after a 12 pack.

   Who let Tony Bennett out of the nursing home?

   My wife's always walking into things and getting hurt. Yesterday it was our bedroom while I was fu*king her sister.

   I could have lived forever without knowing grandpa had a 'dong down to his knees' but thanks for the visual grandma.

   I mean, we all grieve in our own ways. She chose to listen to The Bodyguard soundtrack all night. I chose $1,100 worth of lap dances.

   RIP to the millions of people who die every day and don't get recognized

   If you don't use 1:11, 2:22 or 3:33 when starting the microwave you have yet to unlock my level of laziness.