Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 1296 of 6383
Now that cell phones are becoming more and more waterproof, pretty soon it will be okay to push people into pools again...
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03-17-2016 12:51 by eengrms
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In the future, imagine how many Go-Pros will be found buried under snow in the mountains containing the last moments of people's lives...
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03-17-2016 12:42 by eengrms
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Your shadow is a confirmation that light has traveled nearly 93 million miles unobstructed, only to be deprived of reaching the ground in the final few feet thanks to you...
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03-17-2016 12:41 by eengrms
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I can cope with voices in my head but it is the voices outside my head that are going to drive me crazy.
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03-17-2016 12:10 by Zinc
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People ask me why I don’t have any tattoos and I respond with, would you put a bumper sticker on a Ferrari?
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03-17-2016 12:10 by Zinc
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I think the only way I’ll ever be motivated to go to the gym is if I’m in prison.
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03-17-2016 12:09 by Zinc
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Nice try, St. Patrick’s Day, but I don’t need a reason to drink.
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03-17-2016 11:37 by Zinc
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Yawning is your body's way of saying 20% battery remaining.
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03-17-2016 10:14
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I use brown eggs occasionally, if I am going to egg someone's car. . .
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03-16-2016 18:41 by JAB
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I use white eggs, does that make me prejudice ?
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03-16-2016 18:39 by JAB
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''Breaking News ' Randy Travis was arrested at his home today for digging up BONES at a local cemetery
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03-16-2016 15:36
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its funny how we all sleep differently. my roommate sleeps on their back. my ex sleeps with everyone. that sort of thing
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03-16-2016 10:20
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You must be the Fat Pig to be so offened
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03-16-2016 05:33
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If I'm carrying a torch for you it's only because I want to set you on fire.
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03-16-2016 02:55
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Apparently "white privilege" doesn't include getting to pick out a koala and just take it home from the zoo.
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03-16-2016 02:54
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My favorite childhood memory is not having a job or bills to pay.
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03-16-2016 02:50
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As your new car parallel-parks itself, use both hands to wave goodbye to pu$$y
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03-16-2016 02:49
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The older I get, the harder it is to hold in my sigh
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03-16-2016 02:48
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Just did the Ancestry.com DNA swab....Now the cops want to talk with me!! #StalkersLife
White lives matter.......we pay your welfare.
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03-15-2016 22:14
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