Funny Status Messages

   Hillary Clinton is the first person who identifies as a female to become the presumptive Democrat Party nominee. Although Bernie ran as a close second.

   .... The Older I get the meaner I get .... I'm pretty sure within the next few years I'll be biting people.

   Somebody please remind me who founded the Klan before uneducated accusations are made.

   That Judge was associated with the Mexican activist group "La Raza" Dummy and yes you do join that group.

   Let's face it folks. Time for a real "CHANGE" Voting for trump is a no brainer. Don't you think he'll have the right people in place as President. Like Earl Pitts says, "WAKE UP AMERICA"

   .... It turns out that Hillary Clinton has 21 media advocates on her campaign payroll. Isn't that kinda like having 21 Used car salesmen hired to sell one car?

   The chances of me going to a party increases 100% if they have a dog.

   They give you a poker chip when you reach 6 months clean in Gambler's Anonymous.

   When I want to trim down my friend's Facebook list I give my opinion and let nature do the rest.

   Canadian Birthday Traditions: Apologizing for the candles being so hot.

   Here's hoping Kanye's next surprise cancellation will be "Keeping Up with the Kardashians."

   Here's hopeing Kanye's next surprise cancellation will be "Keeping Up with the Kardashians."

   I'd give my wife my coat if she's cold but I'll take it back if I become cold and maybe she'll be prepared next time we go out.

   Your popularity in High School will translate well into the real world!!!

   Pro Tip: Apparently, 20 minutes is "too soon" to tell the new employee that the company is a godawful living hell of misery and despair.

   I'd like to congratulate Hillary Clinton on clinching the Democratic nomination. Does anyone have her personal email address?

   Ever get the feeling that stuffed animals are only silent because they're judging you?

   I had assumed Netflix's The Do-Over was about Adam Sandler traveling back in time to fix his career. I was wrong.

   I need to stop lying to my therapist. I also just need to stop lying. I don't have a therapist.

   Mind of a 21 year old man, body of a 45 year old lesbian...