Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I like the scene where Superman and Batman are having a picnic and then Ant-Man tries to steal their food.

   I wish these kids would stop crying. I won the Eater egg hunt fair and square.

   Seeing the media give most of their coverage to Trump and barely any to Bernie must be what watching the news in North Korea is like.

   ..... Attended a Reverse Ressurrection at the Cemetery today.

   If evolution is so real... why are the Kardashians still mating with monkeys?

   Behind every successful woman there is a man staring at her butt.

   Superman dies and Ben Affleck sucks as Batman

   I don't get why people pay $400 a month in child support. According to the Sally Struthers, you can feed a kid for 35 cents a day.

   He came hopping out of nowhere... I nearly spilled my beer, while I was driving along texting with the radio cranked up. Suddenly, I seen a flash of gray followed up with a "thump-thump!" Anyway Happy Easter! Sorry if you didn't get anything, my bad.

   I am wondering what type of Easter eggs they are eating this weekend at Trump rallies....

   Even if Hillary becomes president, Michelle Obama still beats Bill Clinton as the First Man in the White House.

   "Grapey." -me after every wine at the wine-tasting

   Not to interrupt your story, but do you have a completely different and possibly shorter story?

   RIP Batman 1939 - Ben Affleck

   "This is the ride that killed Jimmy." - me in line, loudly, at amusement parks

   1990: call me on the new line in my room 2000: call me on my mobile flip phone 2015: don't call me

   My wife was asking me about some divorcé papers or something. I don't know, it must be French.

   In my defense your honor. She enjoyed the time she spent in my basement.

   Can we make the Presidential election about the issues and not wives and peter size?? Everyone, probably.

   You definitely can't photoshop your ugly personality