Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon There are two kinds of people. People who will help me hide a body and people who ARE the body.
←Rate | 06-09-2016 19:45 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I don't understand my co-workers. I am in IT, they are all Indian, and I LITERALLY cannot understand them.
←Rate | 06-09-2016 19:35 Comments (0)  


   messageicon .... When I die I want to die like my grandfather who died peacefully in his sleep ..... Not screaming like the passengers in the bus he was driving.
←Rate | 06-09-2016 19:01 Comments (1)  


   messageicon .... The new Battle Cry of today's American Politicians ..... "Damn the Constitution, ..... Full Speed Ahead!"
←Rate | 06-09-2016 13:29 Comments (0)  


   messageicon .... Something isn't wrong because it's Illegal ....... It's Illegal because it's Wrong!
←Rate | 06-09-2016 12:44 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Seriously, though... who in the blue hell is voting for Hillary?
←Rate | 06-09-2016 12:26 Comments (0)  


   messageicon "Canadians are so polite" - people who have obviously never driven in Canada.
←Rate | 06-09-2016 12:06 Comments (0)  


   messageicon .... Just got rid of 200lbs of ugly fat ..... Got divorced.
←Rate | 06-09-2016 11:25 Comments (0)  


   messageicon .... Bacon ..... Proof God meant for us to eat meat!
←Rate | 06-09-2016 11:23 Comments (0)  


   messageicon A Rabbi asked me why we Catholics believe in Purgatory when there's no actual mention of it in the Bible. I told him it's the food. They serve both Angel Hair Pasta AND Devil's Food Chocolate Cake.
←Rate | 06-09-2016 11:19 by Mickey Comments (0)  


   messageicon The law of attraction is you will lick someone where they pee. . .
←Rate | 06-09-2016 11:16 by JAB Comments (1)  


   messageicon Never had much use for a knight in shining armor but a fine looking man in a pair of Levis....that's a whole 'nother tale.
←Rate | 06-09-2016 06:34 Comments (0)  


   messageicon be smart, pretend to be stupid!
←Rate | 06-09-2016 05:32 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I just got my ancestry.com DNA test back! So excited!!! Turns out I'm 61% Italian, 15% Irish, 10% Greek and 14% Alcohol.... Not bad for a Thursday morning!
←Rate | 06-08-2016 23:32 Comments (0)  


   messageicon 50 lbs of fruit flavored candy must be good for me right?
←Rate | 06-08-2016 23:29 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The real question now is what are all these kids going to do with the Bernie tattoos? Maybe Hillary should offer a removal fee forgiveness plan....
←Rate | 06-08-2016 19:24 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Hillary Clinton is the first person who identifies as a female to become the presumptive Democrat Party nominee. Although Bernie ran as a close second.
←Rate | 06-08-2016 18:11 Comments (0)  


   messageicon .... The Older I get the meaner I get .... I'm pretty sure within the next few years I'll be biting people.
←Rate | 06-08-2016 17:20 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Somebody please remind me who founded the Klan before uneducated accusations are made.
←Rate | 06-08-2016 15:13 Comments (0)  


   messageicon That Judge was associated with the Mexican activist group "La Raza" Dummy and yes you do join that group.
←Rate | 06-08-2016 13:39 Comments (0)  




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