Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 1279 of 6446

... They should remake "Back to the Future." This time have no flying cars and just have everybody standing around staring at their phones and getting offended at everything.
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06-11-2016 18:49
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i don't hate anyone, I have just lost all respect for the person who cant understand me at any point of time after doin evrythn 4 them
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06-11-2016 15:25
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I wonder what our parents did for fun before the internet.. I asked my 16 brothers and sisters, but none of them know .. weird !
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06-11-2016 14:36
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If she spits on it first, you better get ready for the night of your life!
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06-11-2016 12:56
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My ex called to say that she hates me and wished I was dead, also to ask if I needed anything from the liquor store.
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06-11-2016 12:49 by Baddie
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..... Well, that didn't solve anything .... Guess I'll just go out and get hammered.
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06-11-2016 12:03
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Some of these fools use money to attract women but then turn around and call those women gold-diggers. Its common knowledge that when you go fishing, you catch fish not a zebra.
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06-11-2016 08:31
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[enter new password] *CVSReceipt* [password too long]
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06-11-2016 08:11 by Snotty
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FRIEND: What is that smell?.. ME: My new Axe spray. Earl Grey Tea, and Yorkshire Pudding.... Friend: *gag* why?... ME: Chicks dig English Axe scents.
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06-11-2016 08:09 by Snotty
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Not to brag but I finished up my 30 day diet plan in just 4 days.
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06-11-2016 06:39
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Does this status make me look fat?
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06-11-2016 05:30
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Hillary Clinton may become the first F president. Sorry, I meant female but the emale got deleted.
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06-11-2016 02:38 by Jayson
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Ya'll best be voting for Hillary if you wanna keep gettin' dem food stamps to sell
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06-11-2016 01:06
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If the first thing Trump says after he wins the election isn't " You're Fired!" I will be highly disappointed
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06-10-2016 23:38 by Tom
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Turns out that the "Poop Deck" was improperly named. Apparently ..... that is what something called the "Head" is for! Guess I soulda done more research before I went on this cruise.
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06-10-2016 23:34
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... If you think seven years back luck for breaking a mirror is bad .... Try breaking a condom.
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06-10-2016 18:17
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I got an idea for my new company I wana start a company that makes condoms and caskets the slogan would be We always got you covered weather ur cummin or goin
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06-10-2016 17:07
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.... Hey ... instead of complaining when the fat TSA agent makes you take your shoes off at the airport because of that failed shoe bombing attempt...... Be very grateful ....... because there was also a failed underwear bombing attempt.
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06-10-2016 14:50
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I just don't want to look back and think "I could've eaten that'
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06-10-2016 13:23
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Hillary told Donald Trump to delete his Twitter account. Funny, she wants him to treat it like her govt emails
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06-10-2016 11:01 by Kman68
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