Funny Status Messages

   Never seen a pair of high heels hanging over a telephone wire. Always sneakers. Someone get on that.

   The vending machine gave me an extra bag of Skittles today, hope my Dad loves his Father's Day gift.

   Breaking News -- Family Guy's Quagmire loosely based on a young Bill Crosby.

   If you're happy and you know it, please keep your mouth shut as no one wants to hear from a Trump supporter.

   French toast is just toast that's surrendered.

   I can't run from my problems because I am out of shape.

   Reports say men who post selfies show pyschopathic tendencies. While women who post selfies just wanted to show everyone their "duck face".

   ...... "Barack INSANE Obama" .... Truth in advertising.

   No one ever questions how Mayor McCheese managed to keep his job while the citizens of his town were being eaten.

   Former 3rd world countries are perfect for hipsters. So many abandoned buildings to turn into cafes.

   A girl asked me if I wanted to go back to her place last night. She then proceeded to tell me she lived in a van with four roommates. That's New York City for yah!!!

   A more fitting name for Target would be "How The Heck Did I Spend $233.44?!?!"

   Most historians agree that Marie Antoinette's first menstrual cycle was one of the greatest periods in history.

   A lot of people do not realize thats the actor who played Wilson in Castaway is the same actor from the volleyball scene in Top Gun.

   With so many things coming back in style, I can't wait till loyalty and morals become the new trend again.

   If he wants you to be in his life, he'll put you there. You shouldn't have to fight for a spot on the couch.

   Useful information. Lucky me I discovered your site by accident, and I'm shocked why this coincidence did not happened earlier! I bookmarked it.

   I'm provaccine because the thought of having eight children and crossing my fingers that three make it to adulthood is so 1857.

   They are driven to do what they do and no new law will stop them.

   Asked to switch seats on the Plane because I was sitting next to a crying baby. Apparently, thats not allowed if the baby is yours.