Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I haven't dated since the 1990's, do people still use the pickup line "Wassssssupp?"

   I always wonder if the KKK pay double time for working on MLK Day or do they just get a new set of sheets with a higher thread count?

   Your body is not a wonderland. It is a city park, at best.

   Before the internet, no one had successful spelled the word "hemorrhoids".

   Your "Restroom For Customer Only" sign means nothing without a lock.

   It's cool that both Twitter and Games of Thrones are all about 140 characters.

   Disney will install warning signs to prevent future alligator attacks but sadly most alligators are illiterate.

   Until this recent Facebook trend I would have never guessed how many people were behind me in line with a gun under their shirt..

   I dream of a world where chickens can cross the road without having their motives questioned.

   Children fill a void in your life that you never knew existed. And promptly destroy everything else.

   There is a new singing comedian sex offender ... His name is Bing Cosby

   If your dog loves hanging his head out the window of the car as you are driving but growls when you blow in his face, you need a breath mint.

   Screw Finding Dory... Let's find Clintons deleted emails!

   Personally, I think Disney World is taking it's Animal Kingdom experience to far.

   I feel safer knowing the Democrats are trying to make a watch list for people on watch lists..

   I've got 99 problems and all of them are luftballons. Why oh why do I have so many luftballons?!?!

   Never seen a pair of high heels hanging over a telephone wire. Always sneakers. Someone get on that.

   The vending machine gave me an extra bag of Skittles today, hope my Dad loves his Father's Day gift.

   Breaking News -- Family Guy's Quagmire loosely based on a young Bill Crosby.

   If you're happy and you know it, please keep your mouth shut as no one wants to hear from a Trump supporter.