Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   The 'man bun'.....A hair raising trend.

   Interesting idea, Ice Cube should change his name to Soft Drink.

   Frito Lay should roll out a new cinnamon sugar version of Cheetos called Sweetos, they will also help you acquire Diabetos.

   When you're feeding pigeons, you're really feeding doves from Hell.

   The last time I had sex was when Tom Selleck was in a good movie.

   Rich People's Problems: Not remembering the names of the maid's 9 children.

   From what I've read, Jesus never had a problem with gay people. He also never wore pants.

   Worst Wedding Processional Song: Carrie Underwood's "Before He Cheats"

   There's a time and place for hipster beards. That time is the Civil War and that place is a stockade in a Confederate camp.

   Don't think I should wear my heart on my sleeve anymore....because that's usually where I sneeze and wipe my nose.

   I haven't dated since the 1990's, do people still use the pickup line "Wassssssupp?"

   I always wonder if the KKK pay double time for working on MLK Day or do they just get a new set of sheets with a higher thread count?

   Your body is not a wonderland. It is a city park, at best.

   Before the internet, no one had successful spelled the word "hemorrhoids".

   Your "Restroom For Customer Only" sign means nothing without a lock.

   It's cool that both Twitter and Games of Thrones are all about 140 characters.

   Disney will install warning signs to prevent future alligator attacks but sadly most alligators are illiterate.

   Until this recent Facebook trend I would have never guessed how many people were behind me in line with a gun under their shirt..

   I dream of a world where chickens can cross the road without having their motives questioned.

   Children fill a void in your life that you never knew existed. And promptly destroy everything else.