Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 1267 of 6383
How do you embarrass an archeologist? Give him a used tampon and ask him which period it came from.
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04-16-2016 04:30
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Somewhere an elderly lady reads a book on how to use the internet, while a young boy googles "how to read a book".
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04-16-2016 04:28
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Why was Cinderella thrown off the basketball team? She ran away from the ball.
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04-16-2016 04:26
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I always tell new hires, don't think of me as your boss, think of me as your friend who can fire you.
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04-16-2016 04:25
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Any salad can be a Caesar salad if you stab it enough.
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04-16-2016 04:24
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You take away the looks, money, intelligence, charm and success and, really, there's no real difference between me and George Clooney.
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04-16-2016 04:22
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Adults are always asking little kids what they want to be when they grow up because they're looking for ideas.
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04-16-2016 04:21
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According to most studies, people's number one fear is public speaking. Number two is death. Death is number two. Does that sound right? This means to the average person, if you go to a funeral, you're better off in the casket than doing the eulogy.
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04-16-2016 04:20
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"Raccoons"? Oh, you mean garbage pandas!!!
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04-16-2016 04:18
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Dear Alcohol, we had a deal where you would make me funnier, smarter, and a better dancer... I saw the video... we need to talk.
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04-16-2016 04:16
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Instead of making laws out of fear that trans women are just men trying to sexually harm women, we should convict the men that are actually harming women.
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04-16-2016 01:20
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Hmmmmm,,,, Turns out all this time, I’ve been using a life couch instead of a life coach.
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04-15-2016 22:54 by Snotty
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Remember when we were kids and we couldn't wait to grow up, move out of the house, and get a job? ...... LORD,, we were dumb.
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04-15-2016 20:08 by Snotty
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I hate people who use big words just to make themselves look perspicacious.
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04-15-2016 16:50
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I'd tell you a chemistry joke but I know I wouldn't get a reaction.
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04-15-2016 16:48
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I bet you $4,567.89 you can't guess how much I owe my bookie.
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04-15-2016 16:45
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You're so ugly, you scared the crap out of the toilet.
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04-15-2016 16:43
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The lesson of Halloween is that pretending to be something you're not will lead to a sweet reward.
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04-15-2016 16:42
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My girlfriends dad asked me what I do. Apparently, "your daughter" wasn't the right answer.
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04-15-2016 16:40
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Childs experience: if a mother is laughing at the fathers jokes, it means they have guests.
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04-15-2016 16:39
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